Thanks RAS, I FELT those hugs! And thanks for your encouraging words, Veganlady!
I had an amazing day yesterday. I needed to get out of my funk, so I decided to take a long walk at the lake near my house like I often do. I set out to walk 3 miles, and 5 miles later, I felt like a new person. I spent a lot of time pouring my heart out to God and talking with him about what I've been feeling the last couple of days. I realized, as I think I mentioned before that I am FEELING a lot more in general...a product of no longer medicating my emotions with food. I think I am just really learing how to deal with that!
My time in nature and talking with God completely renewed me! I left feeling happy and refreshed and loved and full of hope...I have a new sense of my role in my family's life and their role in mine. And, although things won't change automatically or overnight, I think I have changed, which is all I can really do anyway. I think I was asking the wrong question: "Why can't they love and accept me?" And I felt God asking me if I could ask a new question: "What is the best way to love THEM?" And, I realized that you are right, Kelly...thank you for telling me the truth...that they DO love me, just not always exactly the way that I'd like.
Today I had a great talk/walk with my good friend and processed some more about what I experienced. One of the things I think I was holding on to was my belief about what it means to live in freedom. I am coming to the conclusion that my expectation of freedom involved the absence of the struggle. I am beginning to realize that I have had it wrong. It's not the absence or struggle or pain, but the ability to live in wholeness amidst the difficult things of this life that defines true Freedom. It is childish and naive to believe or hope that the struggle will cease to exist. But the ability to navigate through it successfully...now that is true freedom. And I believe that the abiltiy to do that comes from a place beyond myself...namely, it is the power of God that allows me to live in true freedom.
I won't be posting my weigh in until Saturday because I'm going to the Nourished conference: http://nourishedfbc.com/
...I found out about it from Susan Voisin's blog. She's speaking at it, and it's very close to where I live, so I signed up! I've been thinking for a while that I'd like to someday start a blog, so I thought attending this conference could be just the thing I need to get me started in the right direction! (I'm especially excited to hopefully be able to meet Susan!)
Hope everyone has a great McDougally weekend!