Discussion Board

You are taking such good care of yourself. It's great to hear.

Toadfood, thanks. I am taking care of myself. I actually had this feeling of enjoying my body today. It feels healthier and looks a bit better too. It's amazing how forgiving our bodies can be when we treat them well. So this is what I've been thinking about tonight.
My all time high was 269, I lost about 95 lbs and I've managed to keep it off less 5 or so lbs for a couple of years. I don't want to go back ever. I don't think I will because I'm not that person anymore but I'm also not where I want to be either. I'm still battling the addiction. I'm tired. Very tired. Just want to be healthy. I don't care what some say. This is an addiction for me at least. I have hurt myself physically, financially, and emotionally with food. I have hurt my relationships as well when I have isolated because I was ashamed of how I looked or I just wanted to eat without a witness or I just felt too bad to be active. I'm better but I'm playing with fire still on a regular basis. I've been eating well this past week and I feel so much better already and lost a few lbs. I want to be done with the weight loss but more importantly I want to be done with the crazy addict behavior. While I eat well much of the time I still do the SAD eating enough so that I don't make progress and it makes me sick, it costs money that I don't really have to be wasting, it makes me isolate. I want to be free of this. I choose life.

It's been a good day. Ate well - chard, br rice, beans, spinach and a veg curry w/ potatoes, garbanzos, and lots of vegetables. 2 beers. I've got mixed feelings about the latter because I don't need the extra calories but I also enjoy alcohol sometimes.

Anyway, I got to the arboretum today and did some run/walk and up and down the little hill for a little over an hour. Enjoyed, though my heel is hurting. I need to figure that one out.

Feeling hopeful but also trying not to depend on my feelings to act right. If I act right long enough I know the feelings will follow.

Good day. Food- black beans over salad, raw veggies and no oil hummus, veg and potato curry, a handful of baked chips, br rice and chard, another big salad. For exercise I did some strength work already and will be walking the French Quarter tonight counting and interviewing homeless. I will have a potato and some herbal tea ready for me on the way home. I always get depressed after these counts and want junk but not tonight. I will eat well and feel good enough to do it again tomorrow. I already have my food ready for tomorrow. I sound kinda robotic don't I? Oh well, it's what I gotta do right now. Don't think about it too much, just do it.

Sounds like your doing great. Always good to be prepared. Way to go. HUGS!!!

Rosey, thanks! I am the queen of the prep this week. I gotta say though, that I'm having thoughts about anal leakage chips and calling them that isn't even phasing me cause I still want them. WON'T eat them though because it's a gateway drug to fried chicken. Don't I know it.

I've been doing well- eating on plan and actually enjoying. I'm tired though and when I'm tired I look for a fix. I'll remind myself that just having this beautiful healthy food is a gift and that's all I need. If that doesn't do it being the brat I am I'll pick up a treat- br rice veg sushi.

Yesterday was potato, veg and pot curry, br rice, chard, tangerine and a handful of the boy's whole wheat pasta thrown in the curry. Exercise was just walking to do the homeless count and the energy used up in the anger it produces that vets w/ cancer, heart disease, and mental illness are just rotting on our streets and we keep engaging in wars that will make sure I never go unemployed.

Anna,
I had no idea you've lost 95 pounds already!! That's amazing! I totally know what you mean about wanting to get the rest of the way there! For sure, you've proved to yourself that you are capabable of sticking to this and making it work for you! I have had the same thoughts that you've expressed...I could have written it! You can totally DO this! I agree with you 100% about this being an addiction, and I think that's been proven by brain research. I think people who don't think so, just aren't the ones who are addicted to it. I could easily say that alcohol isn't addictive because I don't have a problem stopping. In light of that fact, I think treating addictive foods like a recovering alcoholic treats alcohol is in order...complete abstenance! At least, that's the only thing that works for me...Of course that comes with it's own struggles, but I do think it's the only way.

I'll stop rambling now, sorry!

I wanted to make a suggestion about your foot pain. I've experienced the same kind of heel pain in the past, and found out that it was Plantar Fascitis. Here is a link from WebMD about what it is and how to treat it.
http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/plan ... c-overview
I have found the Dr. Scholls inserts to be very helpful, as well as the stretches, especially the ones you do before stepping out of bed in the morning. I'm not sure if that's what's going on with you, but maybe this could help you figure it out. Mine went away, but it took awhile, and I had to stick with low-impact cardio (elliptical) so it could heal. Hope this helps some.

I'm rooting for you! You are a strong and capabable woman! You can totally do this! Stay strong and encouraged, and you'll get there, I know it!

Peace

Fancy meeting you here, Miss Anna. I'm so happy to see you doing well. I totally know what you mean about the gateway foods. I was abusing the McDougall Miso Ramen cups and Silk in my blackberries. I could just feel myself on the edge. I knew it was just a matter of time and I'd wake up from a meatloaf coma with Double Stuf Oreo smeared all over my face. Slippery slippery slope but I recognize the signs now. At least today I am willing to let these foods go. That's major progress.

I'm so happy for all of us. This is our year.

Sushi sounds way better than anal leakage chips, I must say. I know fried chicken is your crack, girl -- you stay away from anything that takes you down that road.

I hear you about the homeless veterans. So many people are coming home broken, hurting themselves and their families. I had hopes that our current president would end the wars, and I do think he's better than the alternative, but he sure is taking his sweet time about it.

I've been listening to "The Omnivore's Dilemma," by Michael Pollan. I disagree with him about a lot of stuff, but this part really struck me -- he says industrial agriculture, with its dependence on fossil fuel and petroleum-based fertilizers and pesticides, is part of the military-industrial complex. We aren't just killing people so we can drive SUVs -- we're killing them so we can eat cheap hamburgers. Both things need to go.

Sorry for dumping my political views all over your journal -- feel free to tell me to shut up.

Kirstykay, thanks for the link and the encouragement.

kk, I like seeing you anywhere.

toadfood, speak on! I'm a bit disappointed with the prez to say the least. I really like him but not only did he not get us out he got us in. I need to meditate daily on all the reasons it's effed up to eat animal.

Used last night. I'm calling it what it is now. Not pretending I ate dinner for nourishment because I didn't. I ate for entertainment and because I was tired and sad and anxious. Only 8 days on plan prior to that. I will get to it again and do what kk is doing and get to a month. I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night again with that sinking feeling when I remember that the night before I ate animal and it hurt my body, the animal, and the environment.

Anna, I'm so sorry to hear you're tired and sad and anxious. What can you do to take care of yourself, without using food?

toadfood, ok, a plan.

1. Remember that eating crap only makes it worse.

2. Friday afternoon I am off and I plan to get a mini chair massage and read my book and do a little housework.

3. I keep saying I'm going to meditate every day and I don't. So starting today.

4. I will practice not feeling guilty all the effing time about what I don't do. I do enough. Right now, I do enough. Maybe better time management but not more tasks.

That's all I got for now.

Good for you! Sounds like a great plan.

Hey Anna. I'm wondering if the fatigue and craving for fat/animal foods could have anything to do with nutrients your body is wanting. I'm thinking specifically about B-12 and omega 3 fatty acids. There's some very good information at the Vegan Health Home Page on these nutrients and other overall good info for anyone following a plant-based diet. Another great resource is theveganrd.com I'm convinced that our bodies are "talking" to us all the time if we just know how to listen. I'll be thinking about you. Hugs.

Where are ya?