Discussion Board

Hi Vola,

Just found your journal. I love your writing. You are doing amazing with all that life is throwing at you. It's helping to keep me strong.

Thank you, K!I've been enjoying reading your journal, too. You've already come so far!

And thanks for pushing me onto page 2. Woohoo!

It's February! I've been at this for a whole month now, so I thought it would be good to do some checking in. I weighed myself this morning and was down to 178 even for a total loss of 7.6 lbs in January. I'm pretty happy with that, along with meeting my January goals of being in the 170s and having my clothes feel looser.

For the past couple of days I haven't eaten potatoes, but haven't really cut out any other nightshades like tomatoes. There was just too much tomato-y food in the house to waste, but I will try cutting them out as well (or at least reducing them as much as possible) after this food is gone.

Yesterday I allowed myself a hemp milk mocha, my only cheat or coffee treat all month. I thought it might be nice to celebrate the end of each month with something small like that, though surprisingly, it wasn't the choir of angels experience my brain was telling me to expect. Definitely something to remember next time.

My face was so dry and flaky this morning, and not just limited to the sides of my nose. I suspect it's partially because of the lack of oil in my diet, coupled with the dryness of winter and indoor heat. More noncomedogenic moisturizer needed, for sure.

There have been a couple of nights this past week where I wasn't sleeping well, and I've made a preliminary tie to those being the evenings where I did not eat starch for dinner, only veggies, to try to balance a more starch heavy lunch. Again, something to keep in mind for the future and to remember that balance and consistency is important, even over the course of a day.

All in all, I've been so happy with this WOE this month. My cravings are pretty much non-existent, and when they do show up I know it means I'm either hungry (for proper food, of course) or I'm feeling emotional and seeking a distraction. Lately I've recognized that I'm struggling with a bit of the blues (not enough to really call it depression), moreso after my mom got her diagnosis. The grey winter blahs don't help either. I wonder, though, how much worse I might feel if I didn't have the stabilizing effects of this WOE. That thought came to me last night as I read the chapter in the MWL book about diet and emotions, starches and mood. Hooray for serotonin!

My husband has also lost several pounds this month, mostly from a combination of eating a lot of the food I prepare sans oil and portion control when he eats other things. I'm pleased for him but he already weighs less than I do - I'm never going to catch up at this rate! Thankfully, though, he's very supportive and is fully ok with cooking without oil. I think it helps that I've made some pretty awesome dishes this month. He's even eating oatmeal in the mornings, albeit with peanut butter, hemp milk, and maple syrup.

This month has also been great on our finances, which was very welcome after making two trips to NY for funerals and the expenses and missed work that they entailed. It seems that every other week we have a more expensive grocery bill as we stock up on oats, rice, and potatoes, with cheaper weeks between as we replenish more perishable veggies and fruits. We also haven't been going out to eat much, which has been another big help.

This weekend we have friends visiting, which will be a challenge. I'm used to cobbling together vegan meals when we go out, but obviously there will be some more restrictions this time around. I'm open to eating beforehand and just nibbling on veg or a salad, but I'd rather not make things too weird for the other people at the table. Oh well, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. They're both open-minded and have dealt with my lifestyle for years now (and are not opposed to going to veggie establishments), so I shouldn't sweat it too badly.

One more thing. I initially came across Dr. McDougall and this WOE when I was considering what to adopt as my "January Challenge." For three years now I've done something quasi-radical for January as a way to reset myself and try to clean up my act after the excesses of the holiday season. Two years ago it was all raw, and last year was 80-10-10 (that one did not quite last the whole month). Raw was ok, but I was glad to go back to cooked food, and I never had the thought that I wanted to continue that lifestyle permanently. This has been the only time that I wasn't counting down the days left in January so I could go back to whatever I had been doing before. I'm hooked!

I feel like I did pretty well this weekend, all things considered. I ended up mostly eating at home before going out, then ordering something small there. But I was proud of myself and the choices I made (ex: eating salad plain instead of the customary waffle fries with my veggie wrap; offering to be DD so I wouldn't be tempted to over-indulge on drinks), and still had a lot of fun with our friends.

I don't know why (probably because even though I made decent choices, I still felt like I overdid things), but I've been really preoccupied with the idea that I'm eating too much. I put what I ate today into the cron-o-meter and was shocked to find that I ate over 2200 calories. A huge chunk of that was my breakfast oats. Guess I should cut down the serving size, or at least measure a few times so I know what I'm doing instead of estimating amounts. (Also, my vitamin A at 1400% of RDA - wow! All those sweet potatoes. And protein at 75 grams today - 164% of what it recommended. Power to the plants, people!)

Back to the calories: I really don't want to go down this path. Fretting about calories never does me any good. It rarely affects my choices (especially when I feel like my choices are really good - whole plant foods, no oils, etc) and more often than not just makes me anxious and defiant - exactly where I don't want to be right now. I've read on other Cron-o-meter threads Jeff saying don't worry about the calorie count, and I'm trying to keep that in mind. But I know that I need to focus on how I'm feeling in terms of being satisfied, rather than finishing what I've served myself. I don't think of myself as a volume eater, but not finishing what I've prepared is very very hard. I still can't articulate why. The solution, of course, is to just serve myself less, but even that is very hard. I know that a part of me really fears hunger, even though when I've worked on it in the past I realized that feeling hungry won't kill me. It's an ongoing process, I suppose. Just another thing to work on.

So that's what I'll do. Starting tomorrow I will serve my oats (and other foods) in a smaller bowl, with the full knowledge that I can have more if I'm still hungry (genuinely hungry) 20 minutes after finishing. It's a small step for now, but it's something.

And I'm not going to obsess over calories. I'm NOT.

This morning I realized what probably happened with my cron-o-meter calculations. I looked it up, and sure enough: what I had put in for my morning oats was the value for uncooked oats rather than cooked. Once I looked that up and entered it in as a custom food, things went down to a much more reasonable number. Turns out I did pretty well yesterday after all.

I'm overdue for an update!

Things are going well, for the most part. I weighed myself too late for the weekly MWL board, but I'm not too sad about it because my weight was up by 1.3 lbs this week. It's not too surprising - last weekend Husband and I had a couple of nights out at the coast, staying in a B and B and eating out for meals. I did the best I could but you know how it is. Also, on Wednesday a friend and I went to Indian buffet - my one feast-y love. Oil abounds, and possibly butter (ghee), too. Anyways, I'm just documenting this here without judgment, to help me detect patterns in the future.

I'm happy to say that I went to step aerobics again this morning - what a great class, and I talked to some other people there and got a couple of recommendations of other good step instructors (I'm terribly picky - I need someone good enough to distract me from thinking about how many minutes have gone by and how many more there are to go). So maybe I can branch out to other classes and days/times. My goal for this week is to work out in some capacity at least three or four times.

Another ongoing goal is to cut down on how much alcohol I drink. Right now I maybe have 6 drinks a week, usually cider or wine. While I don't think that's excessive, I also know it's not doing me any favors.

One thing I haven't mentioned yet is how my hair has stopped falling out so much since I've started McDougalling. I used to lose quite a few strands in the shower every morning, and now I hardly lose any. The consequence of this is that not only does my hair feel thicker, but now I have a bunch of short little hairs growing in and sticking out all over the place. Not terribly noticeable except for along my hairline if I pull the rest of my hair back. Oh well, I think they're cute and a reminder that I'm doing good things.

I went back to eating potatoes, since cutting them out for two weeks didn't seem to have much of an effect. My skin would get better and worse regardless of what I was doing. It's extremely frustrating. I'm still heaping on the moisturizer but it doesn't seem to prevent the cycle from repeating.

Here's to another great, starchy week!

Hi Vola,

I am in week 2 of MWL, so I have appreciated many of your insights and will keep them in mind when I encounter similar obstacles (especially Impatience!). I hope to develop a self-awareness as good as yours as I go along.

I am so sorry for the loss of your grandparents and for your mom's diagnosis (mine was dx'd with breast cancer a few years ago but after treatment she is doing great now and approaching her 5-year all-clear mark). As I was reading your post, though, it occurred to me that, even though we are powerless to control soooooo many things in our lives, we can control our choices, including our choice to eat healthy foods and nourish ourselves well. I hope that is as encouraging to you as it was to me.

And by the way, I LOVE the title of your journal. Best wishes to you in your journey!

Thank you, Robin, for your empathy and support! My mom just started treatment (radiation), and she's in mostly good spirits now that the waiting is over and they're actually doing something. We live on opposite sides of the country so there are definitely feelings of powerlessness coming up for me (not that I would be able to do anything if I was there, but at least I could hold her hand). I think it's important to honor those feelings without turning to food to temporarily smother them, and to recognize what you said, that we DO hold the power over our own choices (even if our choices aren't necessarily the best, as I'll go into later).

At the risk of sounding maudlin, how can I best honor my grandmothers? My mother? By taking care of the gift they've given me: my life, which is a product of their love and care. It is up to me to live the best life I can, which includes a healthy body.

It's been a while since I've updated, so here goes nothing:

I'm still loving what I'm doing, loving what I'm eating. For last Friday's MWL weigh in I had lost everything I had gained the week before, plus another .2 lbs, so I was pretty pleased. Last week I'd had the goal of working out at least 3 times during the week, but only made it twice. Still, that's twice more than a lot of the preceding weeks! Also, so far this week I've made it to the gym twice, so it should be no problem making it to 3 for the week.

Last weekend I had a bingey Saturday. It's the first time I've turned back to chocolate chips and peanut butter since New Year's (when I started McDougalling). Thankfully it wasn't anywhere near what I would previously consume, but it still bothers me that it happened. I still don't really know why - unfortunately I didn't take the time to figure out what I was feeling, I just gave in to the WANT. It still strikes me as odd, since my cravings and even my desire to emotionally eat have all but disappeared since starting down this path. Then that evening, perhaps in a continuation of giving in to the WANT, I chose to go out for a vegan, but non-McD-friendly dinner. Regardless of what I ate, I think it's important to remind myself that it was my choice, which I made consciously, and when I ate, I enjoyed it.

On a happier note, I am definitely noticing my clothes getting looser. I have to use the smaller hooks on my bras, and use belts with my pants. Yesterday, for the first time, a colleague noticed I was losing weight. I'm not quite into the next size down, but it's no longer inconceivable. It's nice to know that, no matter what the scale may say on Friday, I KNOW I'm getting results.

I suppose that's it for now. I hope all is well with my fellow journeyers!

This Friday I weighed in with a 1.8 lb loss for the week, which put me at 10.1 lbs since I started two months ago. I passed the 10 pound mark! I hate to say it, but it elevated my mood all day, even all weekend.

Yesterday (Saturday) I went for a 35 mile bike ride with a friend, my first such outing since the weather has improved. I think it went pretty well, though I definitely need to improve my strength on hills (which is always the case, but yesterday was much harder than it should have been). In any case, it was a good starting point, AND it brought me up to my goal of exercising three times this week,

Today starts a new week, and I went to step aerobics this morning. I'm not feeling any ill effects of yesterday's ride (other than some sore saddle parts), and during step class I was amazed at how not out of breath I was. While it was most certainly a workout, I wasn't dying.

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In my last post I said that I didn't know why I had such a bingey Saturday last week, and after I thought on it some more I remembered something that came out of my work with emotional eating. Even though I very much want to lose weight and feel better about myself/my physical appearance, there may well be a part of me that is threatened by the same thing. I'm remembering Susie Orbach's "Fat is a Feminist Issue" where she talks about fat serving a function, and losing it may expose us in ways we're not ready for.

In my career I am often visible by large groups of people. If I lose weight, will I be more exposed, more vulnerable? And to what? Judgment? Aren't I already open to judgment by every person I pass, by every person who sees me? Why should it start bothering me now?
Is my excess weight my outward manifestation of having always felt unattractive, and thus a self-fulfilling self-image? There is safety in being overweight and feeling unattractive. I can talk to whomever I please without worrying that it will come across as an inappropriate advance.

I know that losing weight will not fundamentally change who I am, which is a good thing. In truth I am excited about slowly presenting a new face to the world, but I suppose at times that excitement tips over into the well of fears I still hold about my body and its place in my everyday interactions, whether they be with strangers, colleagues, friends, or my husband.

These are all things to continue thinking about - I know answers won't come in a day. Maybe they will never come, but being mindful has been such a powerful tool to me that it's good to be able to get my brain stew out on a page and hopefully be a little better armed when temptation and the mindless WANT rear their ugly heads again.

I have enjoyed reading your Journal...I have very dry skin ..I have found that adding ground flaxseed to my oatmeal or soups...helps with the dryness..drinking lots of water helps too

Hi - I started a journal last week, and I'm trying to catch up on some others. I'm really enjoying your journal, can't wait to try the potato recipe, and wish you the best on this weight loss journey. I was going to suggest flax seed, but that just got suggested. I grind a little each morning for my oatmeal. Please give us an update on your mother, I am so sorry! Take care, LauraA

Thank you, Potatohead and Laura! I started adding flax immediately (so that would have been Sunday), about a heaping half tablespoon a day so far. I don't know if there's been a dramatic difference yet, but I feel like there have been no new eruptions of irritation since then.

Yesterday I got out of work about 2 hours early. On Tuesdays and Thursdays Husband and I carpool downtown since we have the same schedule, but yesterday I didn't feel like waiting around for another two hours...so I started walking home (about 7.5 miles). I really wish I had had different shoes on rather than my Dansko clogs (I keep saying I'm going to stash a pair of sneakers in the car for when I have these unexpected periods of free time, but I forget). Because of the shoes I was walking slower than I normally would, and my feet were really starting to hurt by the 5-6th mile. My husband caught up with me about .5-1 mile from the house, where I had sat down to wait for him (he ended up finishing half an hour before he expected to as well). I now have big blisters right next to the balls of my feet, but I'm still happy with the walk, happy that I didn't just sit and read for 2 hours. A 6.5 mile walk (at least) - I think that counts for exercise for the day.

Today after work I'm going to the gym, but will probably focus on the stationary bike to give my feet a rest.

Oh, and one more thing - today I'm wearing a pair of size 12 pants that I have not been able to wear for at least 2 years. Hooray!!

Definitely overdue for an update, though it's easy to put off when there's seemingly not much to report.

I've lost 11.8 pounds so far, and that feels really great. Even when I'm a bit down on myself and unhappy with how I look, I can remind myself that a change in the scale that large is not a hallucination, nor is the fact that my clothes are looser and there are a few things that have been languishing in my closet that can now be reintroduced into my everyday wardrobe. In fact, today I did a big closet reorganization and purge, which felt GREAT. I still have things that I can't fit into, but I'm optimistic that I can by the end of the year. Oddly enough (to me), I now feel very at peace with the weight loss being a slow process. I've set my goal at 160, but if it goes lower than that I'm fine with letting my body find where it wants to be at a size/intake/activity level I feel is sustainable (i.e. not obsessive). I know there are some people on the boards that have gotten down to BMIs of 18 or 19, and I don't see that in the cards for me, but anything 160 or less (and with a BMI less that "overweight") is perfectly fine.

My face is still a disaster area, which is super frustrating. The irritated spots alongside and below my nose burn a bit, even though I'm really liberal with the moisturizer. I even have some red flaky spots right below one of my eyebrows. WTH? I've been adding about 1.5 tablespoons to my morning oatmeal, but nothing has changed.

In more positive news, my old hip and knee injuries are hurting way less than they used to, even though I'm using them/exercising more. That realization kind of snuck up on me, it was so gradual. I don't know if it's lessened inflammation due to what I'm eating (and more importantly, not eating), or lessened strain on them from having a bit less mass to carry around, but I'm happy regardless.

An update on Mamacita: she started radiation treatment the week before last, and I think has 6 weeks more to go. She goes every day after work, and by the end of the week is feeling the effects (exhaustion, mainly). We're hoping she can come out and visit this summer - fingers crossed that she gets the all-clear from the doctor after she completes the radiation.

Thanks for reading!

Happy April! Though I've been meaning to post, I've been especially inspired to by the theme of the MWL weigh-in board for April: "No Excuses!"

It's a perfect time to recommit. Overall I've been doing well, but this last week was spring break for me and my husband - we both work for colleges, and he also takes classes. On top of that, the week included our wedding anniversary. All of this added up to zero exercise except for one long bike ride, and a much more liberal approach to food. While the entire week wasn't a wash, there was definitely more than one feast meal.

So here I am, inspired by the hint of spring (it's really late 'round these parts), a good workout this morning, and a new pedometer in my pocket. I decided to add an exercise tracker to count miles, but any exercise miles can count: walking, biking, elliptical, etc. I've started it off with the two long bike rides I've done, plus the 6 miles I did today on the elliptical. I look forward to watching that number climb as the weight number hopefully falls.

Speaking of falling weight, a mini goal is to be in the 160s by the start of May. I'm pretty sure I can hit that!

I feel like there's more that I wanted to say, but I need to head to work so I'll leave it here for now. Apologies for any spelling errors or wonky words - I wrote this out on my phone. More soon!

hi!! I have enjoyed reading your journal! Good luck to your momma and recovery. You are doing great!

Thanks for reading, Carollynne!

I thought of what else I wanted to say. First and foremost, drum roll please: I cured my face plague! Yes, I started using coconut oil on my scaly patches, and it was only a few days before I noticed marked improvement. I can't believe what a simple solution it was this whole time. I have naturally oily and acne prone skin, too, so was very skeptical about adding more oil, but now I feel like I can pretty much recommend it to anyone.

Also, I came to the realization that any cravings I have are usually as a result of my having not eaten enough. The same thing as when I don't sleep well. When I don't eat enough starch, or enough in general, I start craving sugar (duh, simple carbs/fuel). Knowing that, I feel like I'm better armed when these feelings come up. I can allow myself a happy snack potato with ease, rather than white-knuckling through a craving or worse, capitulating.

I think it's the litany of justifications (i.e. EXCUSES) that go through my brain that are the most damaging. They not only distract me from my goal, but distract me from the reasons why I might be having a craving in the first place. This is where, again, the theme for April is so wonderful. As soon as that voice starts in, I can snap at it like a drill sergeant: "NO EXCUSES!" The same thing goes for exercise. No whining, do it!

In completely unrelated news, I'm thinking of making this for my mom. Obviously we're very proper ladies: http://shop.subversivecrossstitch.com/p ... uck-cancer It looks pretty simple; maybe I can get it done by the time she finishes treatment.