This is it! I have to stop thinking so much about food. Food isn't everything in life, there are much more important and more interesting things. I will make sure I eat enough and only ËťcleanËť food of course. I don't need sugar, chocolate, pastry. This is only for special ocassions. When I go to sleep I think about my oatmeal in the morning and when I wake up I can't wait to eat it, it doesn't matter if I am really hungry or not.
It's 5.30 p.m. here and I already ate enough! I am full, my stomach is really full and if I won't be really hungry I won't eat anything for today! I have to study, so this will be really hard, because I eat more when I have to study.
I still live with my parents because I am student. I don't find it hard to eat this way even if there is so much other food in the house. It's hard because I argue a lot with my mom. Today she said she have to spend much more money because of my WOE, because I eat expensive things. Buckwheat, oats, rice expensive? I don't ask her to buy me chocolate or soymilk. I also buy rice cakes and sometimes oats by myself. I rarely ask her to buy me something really expensive. We also spend more energy because I cook separate meals. And not to mention I usually eat vegetables we grown at home. So my WOE of eating is expensive LOL! What about packed croissant, cookies, cereals, chocolate and other crap she buys for her and other family members? This is really cheap LOL. And she always says how she buys only things we REALLY NEED(like pasta, bread, wine LOL, milk etc.). We often argue about that. The thing is I don't care if she buys this things. It's her money and she can do everything she wants with it. I just want to tell her to stop lying to herself.
I have to go out of this house as fast as possible. I lived with my boyfriend for half a year and my mom was always asking to come home to visit and why I am not sleeping at home anymore. Now I am here for more than one month and we argue most of the time. Everytime I want to tell something or give her an advice she starts yelling at me.
Well all this stress make me to eat even more. Luckily I am really thin, so even if I eat a lot and gain weight I am still thin.
Until I get away from home I will eat only cheap and plain food. It's no problem for me to eat plain rice, potatoes and vegetables. I won't buy any soymilk, chocolate, cornflakes or any other treat. I have to stop spending money on food. It's not OK to eat so much chocolate and soymilk anyway. Chocolate isn't even McDougall. And I won't be baking pastry anymore - in this case I spend too much time in kitchen and around mom. Maybe just some bread for weight gain. And I have to learn to eat quicker to get out of kitchen as fast as possible and stay in my room. My brothers always just eat and get in their rooms. I understand why.
Otherwise my mom cares for all of us and isn't so terrible, but she can really exhaust you mentally. I really think I am so asocial and non confident just because of her. But this is another story.
I just have to write all this, because I just argued with my mom.
Tomorrow I have an exam and I am not even prepared.