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Do you know what I am really loving. We are all coming from the same place. Being overweight in a weight conscious society, loosing weight was more about being embarrassed and feeling guilty. I have been overweight obese for about 20 years. I am 56, at about 5'8", I weigh in at 205. My heaviest was 235 in 2001, then I shed 20lb by McDougalling and 2ndly by starting for the first time in my life to lift weights and go to Yoga classes. I didn't stay on the plan and in 2007 I made another attempt by emailing Dr. McDougal and having a bit of a chat about which DVDs to purchase and ended up buying about 4 of his DVDs. Again, I fell flat. I think because I was not in it for the long haul, it was only a jump start. I cannot in any way beat myself up over it, becasue each time brought me closer to today. I am full "IN". This is how I want to eat for the rest of my life. I want to grew my own veggies because I have enjoyed that in the past and I want to eat simply, which means a starch based diet. I admire Dr. McDougal and Mary and trust them. Their research is sound.


Yes, frozenveg, I was everything you sensed. I had my keyboard in my lap and was just typing to save myself from totally spinning out ... I was depressed and tired and despondant. I needed a focus, thank-you for being brave and extending a helping hand. I need this daily interaction to keep me coming back. Knowing I am not alone.

OK, so here is today and yesterday:

I cam home from work to my white bean soup. It was lifeless. I added about half rice and force fed myself. Then I added some speghetti sauce for flavor and it was almost enjoyable. I put the rest in a freezer bag, because I have a hard time throwing food out. I wanted to give myself a day to think it over. Well, it's going in the trash. If I dont like it, what is the point? Later that night I ate an apple while I did dishes and then sat down to wrap presents. Then whoosh, I was so tired I couldnt even motivate myself to wrap. As I focused more on the movie I got, I got up and got some tortilla chips, not the kind you bake in the oven. Probably fried in cottenseed oil or some awful cheap commodity oil. It's cornflour. It's only a few. Mmmmm....then my son opened a bag of BBQ potato chips. Can I have a few? Well, 3 bowls later....

Dinner was the usual Turkey and pie fare. I'm ok with all this. I am in a battle and right now, I have retreated, hiding in a dank smelly hole hoping the enemy wont find me. I know I am playing around with my convictions.

Pacificfords watched a movie recently, that I want to find: Healing Cancer From Inside Out. I would like to see that. The more information the better. I found out I can download Dr. McDougal radio broadcasts onto my mp3.

Life is very interesting. One day at a time, I am changing and I am going to be that person I was created to be.

Thanks for listening,
Mary

These guys gave a great visual of what I have so wanted to be real: how am I going to counteract a 1,000 calorie pizza with a good workout? Not going to happen. My biology teacher told us of a guy who didnt fast before a blood test. He ate a Big Mac and it showed in the blood that was drawn! It had globs of oily fat floating in it! Yuck!

I watched this movie and it changed me. I hope you find inspiration in it. It is packed full of facts! I am going to watch it at least once a week until I get to a point where living a healthy lifestyle is natural. I also need to hook up to some of Dr. McDougall's videos. I haven't seen any of those yet either.

The song "so, you had a bad day... " comes to mind. I have had so many of those days where I wanted to eat healthy and didn't quite make it. It is good that you are just accepting that you are fighting a battle right now and that you aren't going to be perfect. The most important thing is that you are going to keep learning, understanding, and trying.

I struggled with recipes so much in the beginning... finding things that actually tasted good that would make me want to put down the bad food and reach for the good. Flavor is everything. I went for spicy because it was easy to do. Taco flavor. Chili flavor. Curry flavor. You can make beans taste like just about anything you want. I hope you find some recipes that you enjoy. Cook them up in batches so you can grab them when you are hungry. I agree that planning is key!

Have a very Merry Christmas. Looking forward to getting healthy with you in the new year.

Holidays are over, I gained 2 lbs with what small determination I have to eat healthy. This is an unbelievable accomplishment, as I habitually gain 10lb during the Thanksgiving/Christmas holiday.

I went to Christmas dinner last night, an hour and half drive from my place, and there was food, food, food. I usually will sit and be a guest, but this time I got into washing dishes and tidying up, preparing for the mounds of dirty plates to appear out of nowhere. With a glass of wine, I actually enjoyed the activity. I know wine is off diet. But I'm not looking to eliminate this anytime soon.

I was the last one in the line to hit the buffet. I put some beef on my plate and the wonderful salad I made (which I got compliments on) and asparagus and Brussels sprouts. I sat there listening to some disturbing talk on how to discipline children. When I excused myself with my empty plate, I said..OK, I'm getting up, now we can change the subject. Hint, hint. And when I got to the buffet table, I realized I didn't need nor want to go back and sit down with another plate of food. (I recalled what Pacificfords said when she observed how people were eating at the Buffet Restaurant, and realized I had a choice. I didn't need to stuff myself, like I would never eat again. ) So, I started cleaning up, soon to be joined by two other ladies, including my dear daughter.

I did pick up an asparagus here and a green bean there to place in my mouth....grazing can be fun. Come to think of it, those two foods had to be sauteed in butter. Oh well. There is time to be more diligent, because I am starting today with my healthy good tasting lifestyle of whole delectable foods. There is apple pie and pumpkin pie out on my counter, which my son made for the dinner. But my choice for breakfast is going to be millet with apples and a banana sliced on top. I think I will make apple sauce instead of cut up apples, that way, I can eliminate the Soy Milk, that does not agree with me.

Mary, you know you can do this one decision at a time. Coming from the base of determination that you need energy if you want to complete school. You need vitality if you want to be more involved in the Society for Creative Anachronism. You want to learn more about your mandolin and you love to take long two day trips on your motorcycle. All this is waiting for you, as you make the moment by moment decisions of what to put into your mouth.

What is the alternative, Mary...you know...arthritis, diabetes, and depression. You my dear have too much living to do. Be strong. You know you can do it. Your life is a culmination of choices that have molded you into the woman you are today. Embrace change. Anticipate your future...with something totally lacking from your daily life: HOPE.

Your holidays sounded incredibly victorious in the choices you made. I am glad that you enjoyed yourself. I find that it really is the step-by-step victories along the way that add up to winning the huge battle. I like your attitude and how you are dealing with all of the different things in your own time. You know yourself better than anyone and it has to be on your terms as you gain information, understanding and more determination.

I love this:

"Your life is a culmination of choices that have molded you into the woman you are today. Embrace change."

Thank-you Pacificfords for the encouraging words. I really appreciate your feedback. Writing can be so personal and you dont know if others will see what you see.

Guess what I am going to do right now?...dishes while listening to your movie link. I see through your posts, that education has been a huge key. Along with the support of this board, who knows what will happen this year.

Thanks again!

Oh gosh... education has been the key for me and I didn't even realize until after I realized. Okay, that made sense in my head. I hope you enjoy the movie. Incredible!

I did very well today. But not without determination. I had millet and homemade applesauce and a banana on top for breakfast. count finish it, I was full and done with the taste and texture. Brought a bannana and apple to eat while working, but drank a lot of water instead. Wolfed down a quick bite at 3:30pm... a cooked potato from the frig, cut it up dumped a 1/2 can of kidney beans on top...cooked in microwave and then doused in salsa.

Came home and grabbed a Christmas Chocolate. ...but boy was it good!. Then headed out to my eventing job....just a quick clean. Home at 8:30pm and made a big salad, with Balsamic Vinegar, a few chili pepper flakes and Spike. Read "Tracks" while I ate. Then a chocolate! They are almost gone!

I was thinking today, who do I want to be and what am I willing to do to get there? Everything I want out of life takes energy. And I am still so very very tired. I am going to bed earlier...10pm is early for me. I will wake up and work out for an hour. Maybe come home and take a nap, eat breakfast and work for 4 hours cleaning house.

My big concern right now is energy. I think I am not getting enough sleep.

I did pass by some Hickory Farm sausage and cheese at work! I had it in my hand and asked myself: what are you willing to give up to get your energy back?

I want to play my mandolin, read, ride my motorcycle, get good grades in school, love my family and love God. All this takes energy. I want to learn archery and sword play. I want to work out and feel strong. All this takes energy.

I am so very tired. Slug, slug...one foot in front of the other. It's coming.

I look forward to reading about your achievement of your goals. I think it really makes a difference when we set our eyes on what our goal really is... not necessarily the eating and exercise part, but as you described... the things we really want to be, do and enjoy! Your determination is an inspiration!

AI have really enjoyed your journal. You are doing it up so good. those little bites of choc. can be so tempting.... I have to remind myself in Walmart not to grab any off the shelf..... a real minefield for me too!

The energy will come...keep trying to get your sleep! The good, whole foods that you put in your body will begin to refresh you from the inside out, and the energy will come back to you. You have some wonderful, fun and exciting goals! Keep reaching for them! And go to bed earlier, if you want (and can)!

Last night I was at a meeting, but made sure I left at 8:30pm, but still when I got home, I typed a letter to a Czech cousin in Prauge. My son kept saying, mom it is past 10. Of course I thanked him and speedily ignored him going to bed at 11. That means I pay for it in the morning and skipped my 6am RPM and will do better tonight so I can get up at 5am for my 6am weight class. I need to just focus on this time change as being the most important aspect of gaining my energy back. Small goal toward my bigger dream.

I'm not sure what my normal sleep is yet. I can go on 6, but then burn out. I read that the hours before midnight are the most important. Right now my goal is 10pm.

I didnt watch a movie last night. It gets so quiet around here, I think that is why I was so into movies.

I have two new books I want to read.

thanks for writing frozenveg. From the two journals I read, being tired is common in the beginning.

I did really good yesterday until I saw my son make nachos and I ate corn chips with salsa. I would like to know what a little bit of oil does to me...because that is my excuse...oh, it's not that much.

Mary

Hi carollyne!
Chocolate...it just is soooo luscious! I do ok, unless I am tied, then they look really good.

My biggest downfall is Pizza.

Mary

I have that same excuse. I have not had a bite of diary or animal protein since November when I truly committed to not taking "one little bite here and there." No processed foods for quite some time now. However, oil and salt... and occasional chocolate are my challenges now. I threw the salt away and the oil away. It was hard to imagine that the tiny amount of oil I felt I was getting was really affecting my body that much, but the scale doesn't lie. I am anxious to see what happens in the new year with my resolve to give up the oil and salt.

Mary,

Don't beat yourself up too much; sounds like progress to me.

I just noticed a "favorites" recipe list stuck to my refrigerator door. What we really enjoyed and could make after the McDougall 10-Day Program. It was fairly slim pickings at first: rice & bean buritto, a pita pizza, split pea soup, Cuban potatoes, oatmeal.

Our path before the McDougall DVDs and 10-Day Program was 6 months, as we explored and transitioned.

It's been 2+ years since, and I'm still trying to find better recipes (and become a better in the kitchen.) Today was still adjusting my marinara sauce recipe (added tomato paste and 1/4 cup red wine) and my minestrone soup recipe (added tomato paste and 1/8 tsp salt), which just weren't calling my name yet.

Mandolin sounds fun. Something to play in kitchen while cooking.