Discussion Board

I have noticed more and more how much candy is used to 'reward' kids and inspire good behavior. We started a new church recently and one of the incentives to bring a Bible or do the weekly homework is that the kids get to line up and show that they have one or the other - then they get a piece of candy every week. The same is true for school (candy every Friday for wearing the school shirt)... daycare (reward for doing helper jobs)... Boy Scouts (rewards for participating)... etc. Candy is EVERYWHERE. My son loves sugar and we are trying to teach him how bad it is for his body, yet everywhere he looks... there it is. And... because it is often the incentive... it makes it so difficult. I sometimes want to just pull him out of all of the activities until he understands, but that obviously isn't possible or even logical.

I noticed at one point a few months ago, during the summer, that he was eating candy on almost a daily basis. My son is 8 and I feel intense about keeping him healthy, yet I feel like he doesn't understand and thinks I am just trying to make things more difficult for him because EVERYONE else is doing it. It is really tough. Do you deal with this at all, and if so, how do you handle it with your kids?

Food in general is used as a reward. Snacks are served at every meeting, every reception, every school program...it drives me nutty.

To be honest, my kids do eat some sort of dessert or candy at least five times a week (but nothing huge -- 2 mini halloween candies or something similar). I have tried the "we're going to eat healtheir" chat (they're 9 and 14), and not have any sweets in the house. BUT after watching my teen eat about half a dozen desserts at a potluck, I decided that perhaps doing away with sweets completely was a bad idea. It works better for my family to have them around and not make a big deal about them. I don't offer dessert, but if they ask, I allow them a small something. Since it isn't a forbidden thing, they don't sneak it or obsess over it.

I gave it quite a bit of thought today and came up with a solution I think will work.

I have decided to cross reference a list of candy - gluten free and vegan. Then I made a deal with my son... he brings home any candy rewards he gets. If they are not on both lists, we replace it with something else (that I will keep handy). It isn't so much the sugar I am worried about I guess, as it is the gluten free, vegan status of what he is eating. I mean, I don't want him eating too much sugar, but a little now and then isn't concerning me as much as the other for now. I guess that seems like a good alternative.

Thanks for bringing this up. We have a similar problem, except we homeschool our son (he is almost 8 years old). Fortunately, he is happy with the vegan candy we provide, but he does ask for it almost every day. I am okay with one piece per day (one lolllipop, for example) provided he eats a decent amount of fruit and vegetables (not including starchy vegetables) a day.

Our church gives out candies AND small toys for participating.

Rewards can be quite damaging to a child in that they don't learn to be motivated to do something for how it feels to accomplish the task, it only becomes about the reward. I've seen kids flat out turn violent when a reward isnt offered after the child completes a certain task or assignment.

My wife uses the reward system and it bothers me a lot to see that the reward has to be bigger and bigger or my son will refuse to do schoolwork or chores.

It is sad that candy is everywhere, and I agree with HealthyMe2010 about rewards giving kids the wrong incentive to do something.

Pacificfords, I love your plan for having your son trade in his candy rewards for something vegan and gluten-free at home. You can make healthy treats to let him trade for too - it doesn't have to be junk food!

Healthy eating is one of our "family values" if you will. My 12 year old is on board with the McDougall way of eating (in our case, we have the added restrictions of no gluten, no corn, no soy, plus mostly organic) because (1) its all he's ever known and because (2) we've talked about healthy foods and healthy bodies a lot. We make healthy snacks and treats, so he's not deprived! We homeschool so that has helped a lot, especially when he was younger! We don't run into the food as reward thing so much as every darn gathering is a potluck or every soccer game requires a snack, etc. We just always make sure to bring (or send) something he can have.

ETA: If my son wants to make banana ice cream for breakfast, he's more than welcome to do so. He usually makes himself gf oatmeal though or his version of Mary's oat waffles.