Discussion Board

Mmmm. Not really. Keep in mind that 25 years ago when I went veg, and 22 years ago when I went vegan, no one in my family was EITHER. So I went through what you guys are going through--I just went through it a while ago, and I'm telling you my experience, from which you can learn.

In my case, perhaps b/c everyone in my family is pretty highly educated, eventually many of them sort of came along with me. But they sure weren't at the beginning, and if they never had come along w/ me, they'd still let me be me--at least in part b/c I don't let people tell me who to be!

You just have to stand up for yourself. Spending time w/ people should NOT be about the food. PERIOD. If others are making it about the food, that's their problem, not yours. Don't get in fights about it--just don't reinforce them. Bring your own items and enjoy your own cooking. If they bug you, say, "You know, I'm here for the company, not the food. Let's just enjoy spending time together." That works GREAT b/c what are they gonna say?

Cheat on being vegan is what I mean. I honestly don't make much of a big deal about McDougalling, since everyone already knows I'm vegan. I bring 1-2 items to every get-together, eat 90% my own stuff and a few bites of VEGAN items that my vegan chef SIL makes, and no one comments. <shrug> And actually, my vegan chef SIL, although thin already, seems interested in reducing added fat and we've chatted about that a few times.

The fact is that the biggest issues for most "outsiders" are meat and dairy. THAT'S what your relatives are freaking out about. There's no need to worry about added fat b/c nothing they serve is even vegan to start with. I.e., it's the vegan thing that's hard for them--and again, I went through that w/ my family years ago and survived. My stepmother is still very strange about it (despite both myself and my step-bro's family being vegan). She always has to make a big deal out of deigning to serve vegan items, etc. But she DOES serve them--which she did NOT 20 years ago. It takes time, Grasshopper!

My husband has been vegetarian for nearly 20 years and my family has only known him for 13, so I'm not completely alone in this ... it's the non-dairy thing and the low-fat that's throwing them now. They're used to having lasagna or ziti with dairy cheese and they really don't get the non-dairy thing at all.

The more I read lately about dairy, the more the eeeewwww factor gets to me.

I have to agree with ET here... the time to cheat, if you have to, is NOT in front of other people. Totally ruins your credibility. When I first went vegan/McDougall the hardest thing for me (really the only thing I miss/ed) was sushi. We are traveling to Seattle in May with a bunch of DH's family and while I COULD cheat a bit and have a feast day of their fresh and amazing sushi... I definitely won't - mostly b/c I will be in front of his family and I want them to take me seriously and not think, 'oh, well she ate that, so how picky can we let her be', you know?

I think the best choice would be the martyr one, LOL. So what if they think you are one, or whatever they say or do, better to be disciplined in front of them than not. Let them say what they will, it's your health on the line.

If anything just laugh and go along with them "you are right! I don't want to have 'just a little' or I'll be getting into the bag of chocolate chips later"...if you agree with them and laugh it off they run out of ammunition, what are they going to do?

Sometimes you have to put aside the ego with people like that, just swallow your pride and let them have their fun, just think of us here on the forum, we are all with you and support you no matter what your family says or thinks. Just do the right thing.

It occured to me , that some of the people who may not take us seriously may have watched us try other "diets" over the years.
Now, I know this is more complete life style than diet. But from the outside looking in. ,it may look more like Oh, here she goes again.
Of course the longer I stay on it, the better results I get==weight loss, mobility, and glucose control. Well, I am taken more seriously.
THe frustration, is I felt soooo much better within days, and I knew from reading that it all made sense, I wanted to grab perfect strangers on the street and scream that I had the answer.
Knew I could not, but boy , some days I wanted to.
Then you can just imagin how I felt about wanting my family to join me. Sure glad my dh did.

debbie!!! Be PROUD of what you're doing!!! Who cares if they make a big deal about it and focus attention on you? Great, be an attention whore then! Let them notice you eating healthy. Let it roll of your back. I think the biggest problem is when one bounces back and forth b/c they people just can't take your eating habits seriously, you know? Would you?

Maybe it's easier for me b/c my family (and my husband's) thinks I'm a free spirited hippie anyway (so the vegan thing fits into that), but I am fine with that stereotype and label. Let them think that. let them talk about it. It gets them talking about it at least.

I wish I had something useful to say, but I don't. I just wanted to chime in with sympathy for all of us who have to choose (sometimes on a daily basis) between familial harmony and our health.

My own relatives are fine. We're all weird. My sister and mother pretty much do McDougall. My dad's open and intelligent and pretty much agrees with a starch-based diet (just some issues around the edges) and we just have good discussions. My in-laws are a completely different story. I tend to avoid any eating with them. I will say it's a little easier now that I 'look' like I could know what I'm doing. However, I don't get into food discussions with people, to the point of abruptly changing the subject after a few hints that I don't want to talk about health or diet. The elephant in the room is when my kids visit their paternal grandparents. I think I've made concessions by letting them eat meat and other kinds of 'normal' (i.e. unhealthy) food. I really only draw a big black line at dairy and dairy ingredients. My MIL especially is challenging that and I suspect there will be another messy event coming up, but I hope not.

Anyway, I understand why some people choose to withdraw from their family rather than fight to eat healthy alternatives in the family meal. I understand why others choose to quietly sit under the radar with their own food or an empty plate. I understand why some people make a public stance and risk arguments and unpleasantness to be able to eat with their families without compromising their health.

At the end of the day, food is about so much more than health and nutrition. Or even physical healthy need and/or unhealthy need (e.g. addiction). Preparation and sharing of food is love and proof of love and acceptance and bonding and excluding and judgment. It's all very well to make (and win) the health/nutrition argument, but those other facets are still there and I don't know of many other things that people can share to the same effect as food. It just is hard and it isn't fair, but it's the facts. At least in my experience.

Jeez, for not having anything to say I took a long time about it.

"The End of Overeating" by Dr. Kessler, explains a person with a hypereater's brain doesn't release the same amount of endorphins as the normal eater. He spotlights the food industry is very well aware of this and use the hook of sugar, salt and oil to keep the consumer coming back. After reading his book my perception of food venues changed, I now see them as dealers and my perception extends to family and friends. He shares the importance of setting up your own type of reward food. The book is a excellent read, I wouldn't have picked it up and I am eternally grateful it was gifted to me. And I have gifted it to others.

In "Prevent and Reverse Heart Disease" Dr. Esselstyn, shares about a colleague who had a wakeup call (a stroke or heart attack)... and radically changed his diet. They attended a conference and Dr. Esselstyn was surprised seeing him eating a SAD meal and he questioned him. The colleague said something to the effect that every once in a while he felt it was ok to indulge. It wasn't too long after that Dr. Esselstyn heard he had passed. "Prevent and Reverse Heart Disease" has amazing graphics of arteries before and after and within a short period of time, how a plant base diet heals. Dr. Esselstyn shares moderation can kill. Life is so precious.

Addiction is like a elevator, where you can get off on any floor.

Aloha, patty

I find it interesting that there are so many different approaches to the familial meal.. and it all seems to depend on what your family eats and how they react to the vegan in their lives.

Like I said I am extremly lucky as i know there will be food i can eat that is both Vegan and McDougal friendly so all I need to bring with me is a couple of baked potatoes.

but i know it is entirely different when I go to say a friends house or to once a month bunco. I tend to eat before I go so i can make a small plate of what is okay or if i know i need to... I bring a dish to share.

I love all the different suggestions of what to say to people.

In the end each of us has to find what works for us, and for the other family members we share a meal with.
and no one answer works for everyone. I know if i was going to a dinner with my Brother's family I would have to bring my own dish to share as there would be not one vegan thing at the table LOL. And I would be getting interogated and then made fun of for my choices... luckily they live far away.

You do know that vegan sushi is awesome, right? The key is to get the sushi chef on your side. Most places have a veg roll and a cuke roll, but a good sushi chef may well have other veggies back there and be able to come up w/ some great stuff. I'm simple--I LOVE veg rolls. Other than the white rice and the TINY amount of avocado, they're pretty good for you. I have sushi once a week and have throughout my whole weight loss--2 rolls + miso soup. YUM!

Oh I know... It's just hard to see "the good stuff", but I will just order special rolls with all veggies while we're out there! I also make my own homemade sushi (with brown rice) and things like roasted asparagus, red peppers, japanese type mushrooms, a tiny bit of avocado, cuc, etc.

Fish has always grossed me out, LOL, so I never even TRIED sushi until about 10 years ago--had been vegan more than 10 years at the time but had no idea there was such a thing as non-fish sushi. My friend had to practically beat me up to get me to try a veg roll and once I had it I was HOOKED!

So the fish sushi sure doesn't look like 'good stuff' to me, LOL! ICK! Ewwwwww!

The idea of raw fish to me is just dis-gusting. A friend of mine once decided to do this really gourmet thing and make ceviche, which is fish "cooked" in citrus juice. I just couldn't get it past my lips and she had to put my portion on the George Forman, LOL!

If you are going to Seattle, know that it's a really vegan-friendly city. My daughter lives there and she's always e-mailing me about all the great food she can get at various restaurants.

I once ordered a veggie sushi roll and they put a pickled plum in it, it was delicious. I'e seen those plums, I think called omeboshi, in the Asian section of the store. I like to get veggie rolls, miso soup and salad. I used to get tempura but that's so off plan now. I also found out they put egg yolk in the tempura batter, I had no idea.

To me "the good stuff" is cucumbers, avocado, pickled daikon, asparagus, green beans, tofu and mushrooms!
We are so lucky to have a sushi place near us that know even know what vegans are! We go there about once a week for our sushi, miso soup and edamame fix!