Discussion Board

Great decision, Cherry Tomato. Enjoy Easter with your family.

It is important to put it in a perspective that she is mirroring old style beliefs that no longer work for you. In that respect she is giving you a gift. Free will is a gift only when we give it back. Know God or whatever you chose to call God/a power greater than a human power... will do for you what you can't do for yourself.... And that is she is in His/Her Hands. Some people stay sick to teach us how to get well as some get well to teach us.

Aloha, patty dancing to a new currency beyond musical chairs:)

"The Pleasure Trap" makes a excellent suggesting of just saying, "I am trying something different." Then the person who is asking the question doesn't feel defensive. I work as a home health aide and it is amazing how in giving up a lifestyle of eating is so threatening, of course the fear is being alone... fear is a false evidence appearing real:) No one can die for someone else. Every so often I just drop the thought I am trying to live on less than a hundred a month and that gets their attention. We equate time to money:)

Aloha, patty

I am lucky, my sisters just accept me the way I am. If I go to my youngest sisters, I take my own food and she provides the rice (albeit white) and if I go to my next to youngest sisters I do all the cooking! (she works and likes the rest). My next to youngest sister is seriously thinking about coming off milk. She tried my rice milk and liked it. I am trying to get them interested in health and and this WOE.

I don't think it will happen with my youngest sister, her son is type 1 diabetic and when I was there last week they and he were eating white rice, white garic bread and beef chilli (no veg), whilst I had morocan vegetable stew. I just felt like shouting 'stop! Have my food instead' She loves her son very much, and yet she makes him (to my eyes) crap.

Oh and I forgot to say they had cream doughnuts for afters, I had Mandarin oranges out of their fruit bowl.

Hi peasouper just thought I'd say hello. Am originally from the North (Lancashire actually) we should start some UK groups don't you think?

Cheers
K

I am very lucky or at least I feel that way with my family. When I first met my husbands family I was stunned at how they eat. They eat on the healthy side of the SAD.Tons of fresh veggies , lean meat. very very little oil. Yes I know not Mc Dougal, but they are quite accomidating to my youngest daughter who has been a vegetarian for years, and now me.
When we go to holiday get togethers there is always a garden salad(loaded with all kinds of vegetables) and another cooked vegetable and even rice sometimes. I can bring my happy baked potatoes to add(I can not have gluten) or not . There is always fresh fruit in the fridge should I require it. and no one bugs me about what I am eating.
Everyone is there for the time we get to be together.

But I know it is different when you go to someone elses home... and Like I said I am extremely lucky.

I think how you handled things with your sister was perfect. and some day she will ask about what you are eatting.
When people ask me I tell them how eating this way saved me from taking pills, how much better I feel, and sometimes they even imbark on their own journey.

KA my family eats the same, a lot of fruit, veggies, rice, pasta, and their meats are usually fish and maybe a little chicken. They use non-fat dairy like yogurt or cheese. Instead of milk they use soy or almond milk. They do use oil but I've been telling my mother about how to not use oil so it may be rubbing off. They don't use any salt at all. However they are still on meds and still seeing doctors.

I believe if they drop the small bit of dairy and meat and oil they still include they will see amazing results. My mother's husband has blood sugar issues and believe that the way he does things is fine and it controls his blood sugars. He eats healthier than most and walks many miles every day. He is from South Africa and does the afternoon British tea thing every day with biscuits or cookies. I know they see this as "moderation" and that it's not a bad thing. So sometimes we will get in debates, me and him. But they are very accommodating with my diet. It's nice when some people are open minded and not like others who try to 'change you back' so you'll be more like them.

I agree that one shouldn't lose one's family over food. BUT if you're in danger of that, there is a WHOOOOLE lot more going on than food. I'm my own person and my family has known that since I was a kid. I've never been anyone's patsy. So they dealt w/ my going vegan 22+ years ago and they dealt w/ my going McDougall, too. Interestingly, over the years my step-brother married a vegan and their whole family is vegan, and my bro and his family are mostly veg. So it's not a big deal at our place. But I kind of set the stage early on and everyone accepts everyone else's eating habits.

If someone is so controlling that they can't let someone else bring a dish to their get-together, than THAT is a get-together I would skip. That happened to me once w/ my SIL who is a control freak. But it didn't mean that I no longer liked my SIL or never went to their home again: it meant that on that particular occasion I decided to skip it. It was no big deal to anyone.

Debbie is right that you won't keel over dead if you "cheat" now and then, but IMO it's just not worth it, at least on a large scale. For me, compromise means eating a vegan item w/ some added fat. It does NOT include eating meat or dairy, and it never will. Everyone in my family has known this for 22+ years and everyone is cool w/ it--and IMO that's in large part b/c I have never "cheated." If folks hear you saying one thing and SEE you doing another, they never WILL have any respect for your WOE. <shrug>

Gotta walk the walk!

I do agree that I would draw the line at certain things, I would not eat a piece of meat, fish or dairy just to be polite or a gracious guest. I have heard people say this, that they should be gracious and not insult the host, therefore should partake in the food. That's why I'd make a terrible missionary

I have not (knowingly) eaten animal food in 10 years and am more recently off dairy for good so doing that just to not cause waves or be gracious is out of the question for me. I don't get how Dr. McDougall can have a slice of turkey once a year, I think I would get very sick myself.

Mmmm. Not really. Keep in mind that 25 years ago when I went veg, and 22 years ago when I went vegan, no one in my family was EITHER. So I went through what you guys are going through--I just went through it a while ago, and I'm telling you my experience, from which you can learn.

In my case, perhaps b/c everyone in my family is pretty highly educated, eventually many of them sort of came along with me. But they sure weren't at the beginning, and if they never had come along w/ me, they'd still let me be me--at least in part b/c I don't let people tell me who to be!

You just have to stand up for yourself. Spending time w/ people should NOT be about the food. PERIOD. If others are making it about the food, that's their problem, not yours. Don't get in fights about it--just don't reinforce them. Bring your own items and enjoy your own cooking. If they bug you, say, "You know, I'm here for the company, not the food. Let's just enjoy spending time together." That works GREAT b/c what are they gonna say?

Cheat on being vegan is what I mean. I honestly don't make much of a big deal about McDougalling, since everyone already knows I'm vegan. I bring 1-2 items to every get-together, eat 90% my own stuff and a few bites of VEGAN items that my vegan chef SIL makes, and no one comments. <shrug> And actually, my vegan chef SIL, although thin already, seems interested in reducing added fat and we've chatted about that a few times.

The fact is that the biggest issues for most "outsiders" are meat and dairy. THAT'S what your relatives are freaking out about. There's no need to worry about added fat b/c nothing they serve is even vegan to start with. I.e., it's the vegan thing that's hard for them--and again, I went through that w/ my family years ago and survived. My stepmother is still very strange about it (despite both myself and my step-bro's family being vegan). She always has to make a big deal out of deigning to serve vegan items, etc. But she DOES serve them--which she did NOT 20 years ago. It takes time, Grasshopper!

My husband has been vegetarian for nearly 20 years and my family has only known him for 13, so I'm not completely alone in this ... it's the non-dairy thing and the low-fat that's throwing them now. They're used to having lasagna or ziti with dairy cheese and they really don't get the non-dairy thing at all.

The more I read lately about dairy, the more the eeeewwww factor gets to me.

I have to agree with ET here... the time to cheat, if you have to, is NOT in front of other people. Totally ruins your credibility. When I first went vegan/McDougall the hardest thing for me (really the only thing I miss/ed) was sushi. We are traveling to Seattle in May with a bunch of DH's family and while I COULD cheat a bit and have a feast day of their fresh and amazing sushi... I definitely won't - mostly b/c I will be in front of his family and I want them to take me seriously and not think, 'oh, well she ate that, so how picky can we let her be', you know?

I think the best choice would be the martyr one, LOL. So what if they think you are one, or whatever they say or do, better to be disciplined in front of them than not. Let them say what they will, it's your health on the line.

If anything just laugh and go along with them "you are right! I don't want to have 'just a little' or I'll be getting into the bag of chocolate chips later"...if you agree with them and laugh it off they run out of ammunition, what are they going to do?

Sometimes you have to put aside the ego with people like that, just swallow your pride and let them have their fun, just think of us here on the forum, we are all with you and support you no matter what your family says or thinks. Just do the right thing.

It occured to me , that some of the people who may not take us seriously may have watched us try other "diets" over the years.
Now, I know this is more complete life style than diet. But from the outside looking in. ,it may look more like Oh, here she goes again.
Of course the longer I stay on it, the better results I get==weight loss, mobility, and glucose control. Well, I am taken more seriously.
THe frustration, is I felt soooo much better within days, and I knew from reading that it all made sense, I wanted to grab perfect strangers on the street and scream that I had the answer.
Knew I could not, but boy , some days I wanted to.
Then you can just imagin how I felt about wanting my family to join me. Sure glad my dh did.