I'm glad I could bring smiles to a few faces. Humor will get us through!
I wanted to mention something that happened at work the other day that really bothered me. A woman commented that I looked just like another one of my coworkers. She kept saying over and over again "You look so much alike. I just can't believe how much you look alike." Well, we don't. The only things we have in common are we are fairly tall (she's taller than me), and we are both overweight. We have different hair, different faces, different clothing styles. I just felt like a faceless nobody. I was reduced to nothing other than my size. And I wondered--as I've wondered before--when will I be a person? When will people see me as an individual and not just as fat? Will some switch suddenly flip when the scale reads 150? What if I get to 150, but people still treat me like I weigh 300? I've lost 50 pounds, but I still feel snubbed, ignored, overlooked and yet stared at because of my weight. What weight is acceptable? It will be interesting to see how people's reactions to me change as I lose weight. And of course my opinion of myself.
I'm feeling all itchy. My NOSE feels all itchy, like I'm coming down with something. Eeek! Swine flu! The past few years, I seemed to pick up every bug that comes along. Now that I am eating better, losing weight and have good numbers (BP, cholesterol, etc) i wonder if I will be able to fight off the bugs more. Frankly, I'm a bit frightened of the flu shot. I've never had one. I don't want to get one. But I got really sick a few years ago when I didn't have health insurance. I think it was the flu. And I think it turned into pneumonia. I'm sure it sounds melodramatic, but I thought I was going to die. My lungs were so congested that I couldn't breathe. In hindsight, I should have gone to the hospital, but I was afraid of how much it would cost. it's a miracle that i pulled through. And here's this new strain of flu that seems to be hitting overweight people harder. So I'm nervous. I don't ever want to be that sick again.
Wow, serious stuff today. A couple of good things. Yoga class is tomorrow. Woo hoo! And I went by the grocery store on the way home. This grocery store carries my favorite chips. They frequently put them on sale. So I was determined NOT to go anywhere near them. And i didn't! I'm so proud of myself! I'm getting a little tired of the Battle of the Chips. But I can't be smug and say I'm over them. I'm NOT over them. I must be ever vigilant. Maybe I can have one (just one!!) in a couple of years. But no chips right now. Can't handle it. This store has some awesome frozen artichoke quarters, but they are crazy expensive, so i can only buy them when they are one sale. I checked the frozen section...not on sale.
On the way to the registers, I saw on the end of an aisle...those chips! ON SALE!!! Oh, the humanity! I rushed by and didn't make eye contact. I did, however, buy some non-dairy ice cream. Hey, I had to compromise somewhere!
Here's what I ate today:
B-leftover chili over rice
L-leftover chili over rice
D-leftover chili, steamed sugar snap peas, tortillas
Snacks--dried chili mango
I get SOO hungry in the afternoon around 4 pm. I think I might need to eat more than some dried fruit. But my office is of the 3-meal-a-day school of thought. Another meal is frowned upon. Maybe I could have some soup in a thermos or something. Something a bit heartier to tide me over until dinner.
Day 27 of my 100 Day MWL Challenge: yes (are we counting tortillas?)
Free eating: yes! (but the Thai restaurant is calling my name!)
Days w/o chips: 16 (it was a close one today!)