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I was definitely one of those people who felt that grains were bad, rice was bad, starch was bad. If not immediately fattening, then they were empty calories, a waste of caloric budget. So I ate very little of them, preferring to fill up on my other veggies, or my main entree. I've been vegan for a little over four years, and while I started off great (with the Eat to Live 6 week challenge), all of the processed flours (baked goods) and refined sugars crept back in and caught up with me and now I'm heavier than when I started. I was a defiant overweight vegan, and as a defense I would point to the other members of my immediate family, all of whom are considerably larger and unhealthier than I am. As long as I was smaller than them, I reasoned, I couldn't be that bad.

For the past year I've loved all of the plant-based food and health documentaries that have been coming out. I still considered myself a whole food vegan, conveniently forgetting about the baked treats, the chocolate, the sneaked spoonfulls of peanut butter. For several months this year I did some intense work on my emotional issues with food, and I think I made a lot of progress. Not anywhere near perfect yet, but I'm more willing to sit with things and question my actions and reactions rather than automatically turning to food. (Doesn't mean I wouldn't turn to food later in the evening, though.)

In mid-December I started reading more from Dr. McD, and a lot of what he said made a lot of sense. It would explain why, whenever I tried to go back on a strict Eat to Live plan, I would never feel satisfied, even with enormous salads and lots of fruit. And I would never lose weight again when I tried it, but maybe that's because I could never stick with it for very long.

So for the last few days of December I transitioned into a more starch-based diet. Eating a big bowl of oatmeal or rice or quinoa feels so indulgent it makes me smile every time. I'm very curious to see how my body reacts to the change, as well as to the lack of added fats.

Besides losing weight (I have at least 30 pounds to lose, but at this point I think I'll take whatever I can get), I would love to see improvement in my complexion (pimples and blackheads since pre-puberty, and I'm 33 now) and in the inflammation I have in my knee and hip from past accidents. But again, I'll take what I can get.

So I'm adding my voice to those who are starting, restarting, or rededicating themselves to a better way of eating and a more healthful life. It feels pretty good so far.

I had no idea steamed carrots were so good. That is all.

I'm so glad you're enjoying starch, Vola. It truly is what we are meant to eat.

Thank you for starting your journal. I am sure you will make steady progress toward your goals.

Thank you for the welcome and the support, jld. I admit to being more a lurker on the boards than anything, but I want to try to post as much as I can.

It's been an anxious day, and not coincidentally it's been a hungry day. Thankfully I can recognize the connection between the two. I feel like I ate a bunch today - four meals instead of three - but they were all within the MWLP. I definitely had many a thought of other things, specifically thick hot chocolate made with hemp milk, but my rational brain knew that it certainly wouldn't ease my anxiety, and would only make it worse the second I finished the cup.

It's an imminent work situation that has me so out of sorts, and thankfully it will be over Saturday after a couple of very long days. I need to prep food to bring with me, or maybe try to zip home for meals.

I mucked up my big pan of little yukon gold potatoes - cooked them way too long and they're dried out. I'm trying to salvage them with canned diced tomatoes and such, but they're not really edible as mobile snacks as is. I'm going to try some of the methods in the potato thread to get better results.

I also made some super low salt kimchi, sweetened only with fruit. It's really come in handy today when I felt like a bottomless pit.

This morning I recognized the beginnings of my old nemesis, Impatience. It's only January 4th, and already I'm wondering why my skin hasn't shown improvement, why my clothes don't feel different, worrying that this "isn't working," etc. I know all of the proper responses to these thoughts, and I use them, but at the same time I'm able to see that they're also connected to the anxiety I'm feeling. One of the huge realizations I made earlier this year was that when I'm feeling anxious or not-in-control, my brain seeks to distract me from those unpleasant feelings by focusing on my unhappiness with my physical self. It doesn't make the thoughts or feelings go away, but it does help me feel a little more grounded.

Ok, that's enough jumping around for now!

Today marks a week since starting this WOE. I'm doing the MWLP along with the weigh-ins, and my first was this past Friday. I was a little disappointed that it was only a pound and thought about weighing myself again today (Sunday) to get a full week's value. I had already read the thread on here about how often to weigh, and after thinking about it a bit I decided to just stick to the Friday weigh-ins. I have way too much of a tendency to obsess over the number, whether it's up or down, so it's better for me if I don't see it more than once a week.

My hell job is over, and the food aspect of it went fine, I think. Yesterday I ate at Chipotle for lunch with colleagues, and had a vegetarian bowl with brown rice, black beans, veggies, corn, salsa, pico, and lettuce. I know there was undoubtedly some oil in there, but for what it was it was very good and satisfying.

Today has been cooking day at my house, as husband and I start the new school term tomorrow and will have little time to cook. So far we've made wild rice pilaf with butternut squash and apple, shaved Brussels sprouts with lemony risotto, and potato and kale balls. All three were new to us, and the last one has been a big hit:

http://www.instructables.com/id/Vegan-B ... /?ALLSTEPS

We used purple kale in lieu of spinach, doubled the garlic, and subbed one of the potatoes for a sweet potato. Make sure you taste the mixture before baking and adjust spices to your preference.

Anyways, back to cooking. Husband was great and let me cook everything without even a little bit of added oil. What a peach.

Have an excellent week, everyone!

Hello. I'm enjoying your journal and the way you think through things. Thanks for sharing and glad you got through the hell job w/o SAD.

i have made "colcannon puffs" from fatfreevegan with potatoes and kale. I enjoyed them too.

Hi Anna, thank you! "Colcannon puffs" is exactly how I thought of them. Last night my husband was saying that we should make a batch every weekend, trying out different spice combinations, just to have them on hand. Better than having cookies around, for sure.

Last night I went out after work with my husband and a friend, and while at a bar I stared down one of my consistent downfalls - peanuts. I have to say, I wasn't even tempted. That is huge! I expect another challenge to come up this weekend, when we have game night over at a friend's place. It's so easy to fall into mindless (or mindful yet rationalized) snacking. But I think it will be ok as long as I eat enough beforehand. I've been feeling good, and more importantly, I've not been feeling deprived, so why mess it up?

One thing that occurred to me over the last day or so is that I may have just swapped one food pariah for another. I used to be starchophobic, not wanting to eat or cook things that were too heavy on rice, pasta, or grains. Now I feel like I'm fatophobic, and while I do believe that the fat you eat is the fat you wear, and I've been doing just fine without it, I worry that it's going to become its own kind of obsession. My goal, really, is to not be obsessed with any kind of food at all, to be a Normal Eater, while still choosing those foods that are best for me.

To that end (being a Normal Eater), I'm not worrying about quantity right now. I'm not measuring my food, or counting calories, just like earlier I said that I'm not weighing myself more than once a week. I have a history of getting way too wrapped up in the numbers. I'm eating when I'm hungry, and when I'm done I feel satisfied, not stuffed. I think that's pretty good. Sometimes I've worried that I'm not eating enough, but I'm trying to trust my body - if I'm really not eating enough it'll tell me, right? Right.

This past Saturday went well - I made sure to eat a substantial meal before we went over to our friends' place, so when snacks came out about halfway through (almost nothing I would eat anyway, since it was cheese and pepperoni and crackers) I didn't feel drawn to it. I had one screwdriver over the course of the whole evening. Not bad.

Things have been moving along, leaving me without a lot of time to get back here and post. I was down 1.5 lbs for last Friday's weigh-in (for a total of 2.5 lbs), and while it's great to see the number go down instead of up, I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish it was dropping faster. Instead I try to focus on other things, like how I'm sleeping great, enjoying my food, and not wanting to run to the kitchen for a snack every half an hour. Satiety for the win!

One thing that I know has been holding me back is that exercise has pretty much been non-existent. During the warmer months (or at least not in the dead of winter) I enjoy long distance road cycling, but anything below 40 degrees is pretty miserable for me. Last month I bought an indoor resistance trainer for my bike and set it up in the tv room; I've used it a few times but it's just not as enjoyable, even if it is good for me and will help maintain my conditioning for next season. There's some psychological block there that I'm still trying to figure out.

I also love going to step aerobics at the gym, but my schedule this term conflicts with my favorite class/instructor twice a week. I need to make more of an effort to go on Thursday evenings and Sunday mornings, when I am available to go. I'm always happy when I go - it's challenging and invigorating and I feel better about myself - so again, what's the hang up? Something has to change; I feel like a couch potato whenever I'm home and I hate it.

Also not helping with my couch potato status - I came down with a chest cold this weekend, making me even less likely to exercise. I still sound gross but am feeling better.

Everything about me is a work in progress...

Today was weigh-in day for the MWL board - I'm down 2.1 lbs this week for a total of 4.6 lbs since Jan 1. It's the most I've lost in a week since starting. I don't know if my body is getting the picture that Yes, we are doing this now, so let go of the fat!, or if it was just a fluke (I still think the scale is somewhat of a Random Number Generator, which makes it easier to take if it's a little up one day, and also one of the reasons why I don't weigh myself every day). Either way, it was a good way to brighten up my 5:15 am wake up.

Also, today was nice because I got to take a walk with a colleague during a break between clients. Usually I just sit somewhere and read, so it feels good to have taken the initiative and proposed the walk. The walk itself felt good, too, even though it was raining and I wasn't wearing the best shoes (Dansko clogs). A little over a mile and a half total. Tomorrow my husband is going out with a friend in the afternoon, and I'm planning to take advantage of him being gone to get reacquainted with my bike trainer. I'm determined to get out of this lazy rut!

Well, exercise didn't really go as planned. I'm still coughing a lot and my chest is still tight so I wasn't up for aerobic, but today I did some weights and calisthenics so I don't feel like a complete slug.

Yesterday was kind of a down day. Friday night we found out that my husband's grandmother passed away. While he wasn't close to her, it brought up a lot of stuff for me, as I'd lost both of my grandmothers over this past holiday season (and I was close to mine) - one right before Thanksgiving and one right before Christmas. That night I dreamed of them and woke up crying, then couldn't get back to sleep. I was thrown off the whole day; it was like the scab over my grief had been torn away. I recognized a desire to emotionally eat shortly after lunch - even though my lunch was perfectly adequate, I wanted more food. So I ate, but it was all MWL compliant - just cooked potato slices with a pepper sauce I had made from my Carribean Vegan cookbook. It filled me up (which is what I wanted - to feel FULL) and let me put the desire to eat aside. And then I ended up not eating much for the rest of the day, so it seems like my body really does want balance.

Today I made my own rice milk for the first time, using short grain sweet rice. I left it thick, so it's more like rice cream, good for coffee and tea. I haven't been drinking coffee since starting this on Jan 1, but it would be nice to have the option once in a while. Today Husband had some in his tea and gave it his approval, it made it nice and creamy. A win!

It's Sunday, so it's a day for cooking for the week while Husband works on stuff for school. We're really into trying new recipes all the time, so Sunday becomes almost a test-kitchen kind of day. Today, besides the rice milk, I'll be making Indian sweet-and-sour potatoes and Creole red bean stew. Here's hoping they make good leftovers.

Oh, and something to note - my husband has been eating this way along with me, not really because he's into it himself but more because I've been doing almost all of the cooking, haha. Well, Friday and yesterday he went out and ate veggie burgers - one with cheese - and fries/tots. Both times he was really sorry for it later on. I know the cheese had something to do with it at least on Friday (he's lactose intolerant, but sometimes small amounts don't bother him), but apart from that I wonder if all the oil threw him for a loop after mostly eating oil-free food from home for the past 3 weeks. It's what I'd like to think, at least!

And speaking of oil, I just saw that my dijon mustard has soybean oil in it. Damnit!

Just reading your journal for the first time...you're doing great! I love to read about all of your cooking explorations.

I'm sorry for you and your husband and the loss of your grandparents. That's hard. It sounds like you're handling your grief well, and recognizing it for what it is (instead of eating through it). You, undoubtably, will have much success with this WOE--you are so self-aware!

Peace

Thank you, Kirsty, for your support and sympathy. The experience of grief has been new to me, having never lost anyone close before. I'm trying to honor the process without becoming lost in it, if that makes any sense.

Anyways, there's no easy way to start today, so I'll just dive into it.

The bad: Yesterday I found out that my mom has been diagnosed with cervical cancer, stage Ib. I keep trying to find words to describe my reactions, and keep coming back to things like Horrified, Terrified, and HolyCrapICan'tHandleThis. Oh English degree, you have failed me. But seriously, Life, can you please stop beating on my family? So today I've been very sad, and what makes it harder is that I'm home alone for most of the day, so there's really nothing stopping me from just sitting around all day. But again, I don't want to give in to the sadness, it accomplishes nothing. So:

The good: I got my butt on my bicycle trainer and went for 45 minutes (which is actually the longest I've stayed on it since I bought it) and did some free weights as well. Truth be told, I feel better; a little more able to be productive today. Newsflash, Self: Exercise makes you feel better!

Also good is that I have no desire to eat off-plan. There was a time not too long ago when there would definitely be cookies in my face with all of this happening.

I am grateful to this community, if only for posting your thoughts and experiences and giving me something to read when I need to get out of my head for a bit. Thanks, everyone.

Sounds like your struggles are shared here on this Forum...just know it get's better...it has for me and for many others here....I just love how much better I feel and soon you will too....

The Good: I made it to step aerobics class today! I really do love this particular instructor - his choreography is so challenging it keeps your mind occupied. I had to stop several times to get water and reset my brain, but I made it through the whole thing. My knee and hip aren't even bothering me that much (at least not yet).

Also, as of Friday I was down another 1.1 lbs, down to 179.9. When I started this, my first intermediate goal was to be in the 170s by the beginning of February. I suppose this counts, but I'll weigh myself again on Feb. 1 (Wednesday) in the hopes it'll be a little further into 170's territory.

The Not so Good: there is definitely something up with my face. I've always had a rotten complexion, but intermittently I would also have irritated, scaly patches on either side of my nose. I could usually get them to go away with moisturizer and some alpha-hydroxy acid cream at night. Well, they've been there this whole month, never going away, and in fact extending down past my nostrils, even though I've been treating it with only moisturizer so as to not irritate it further. Today they've returned with renewed vigor, red and inflamed and burning. I'm thinking it has to be something I'm eating more of now than I did before. (Again, I was vegan before this WOE, so I was already pretty plant strong.) So, time to sleuth. What have I been eating more of this month?

Oats (though I've gone long periods without eating any prior to this month and was still getting the scaly patches)
Cinnamon (on the morning oats)
Carob (same)
Rice
Potatoes (vastly increased, since before I merely thought of them as empty calories)
Tomatoes (moderately increased, mostly in the form of canned diced)

So far I'm leaning towards potatoes, as that's the one with the biggest change compared to pre-McDougall. And I just cooked up a big batch in the slow cooker! Oh well, I'll put them in the freezer and save them for my food challenge. So I guess I won't eat potatoes for the next couple of weeks and see if my skin starts to heal. I really hope so; I'm feeling quite unsightly.

But sweet potatoes...does anyone know if I should cut those out as well? Are they related? I noticed that sweet potatoes are listed on Dr. McD's Elimination Diet page, so I'm guessing they may not be a common irritant. If so, thank goodness!

(I may post my potato question elsewhere; I haven't decided yet.)

I did some research this morning on potatoes and other nightshades, and am glad to see that sweet potatoes are not included. So I guess I'll try my best to avoid those (or at the very least drastically reduce them) for the next few weeks or so. Of course I decide this right after buying an eggplant and cooking two big dishes with diced tomatoes...