Discussion Board

A good way to turn walking into a hobby is to get yourself a good camera or camera phone and slip it into your pocket when you head out. I do something serious walking, hiking and climbing to get that perfectly shot of a river, lake, waterfall or view from the top of a cliff or lighthouse.

Kate

Thanks Kate! I love that idea. I absolutely love taking pictures of nature. What a great idea.... maybe I can blog my walking too... and make it fun. A photo for each mile or something quirky like that. I appreciate the idea!

Well, there have been more huge breakthroughs this past week regarding my ability to get off my butt and get moving. I have accomplished much more than I thought I would just by walking. We also celebrated my son's last day of school with a family bowling night. I haven't been bowling since I was a child. I wasn't actually going to bowl, but I was going to watch my husband and son. This overpowering moment came that just pushed me to join in because I am sick of sitting on the sidelines. It was a really fun night. I was able to bowl a game and a half and had pain last night, but none today.

I am back on track with food. I wasn't really off track by much, but those little bites here and there the past two weeks were really throwing things off. No more little bites of anything. We are starting our work out at the fitness club on Monday. I am very excited about that. It seems like the exercise desire is taking hold much like the commitment to 100% compliance took hold a few months ago. I am excited to see some major results.

My husband is getting more excited about working out as well and has decided to make some changes in his diet. It is just a continual journey with a few downs, but mostly ups.

My "off track" moments took an all time low this past week. It was a lesson well learned and really helped me solidify my goals once again. It is pretty clear to me why it happened and why I ate a couple of SAD meals. My body fully rejected the food as poison. No doubts there. I am fighting and winning and I will continue. One or two mistakes is not going to sway me in the long-term goals.

I am shifting my focus to exercise, continuing to eat on the regular plan, paying attention to what I am eating a little more carefully in regards to nuts, seeds and avacados.

I enjoyed working out today at the club. It was the first day. I was able to do much more than I expected. I walked a mile on the treadmill and it took me about 25 minutes, so I finished up the 30 minutes. It felt absolutely fantastic. I didn't even imagine I could do 30 minutes. I wanted to be able to do at least 10 and was pushing for 20, so I was super happy. I am a little sore this afternoon, but I am ready to hit it again tomorrow and add the circuit training.

Today's workout was fantastic. I did my cardio and then went through the circuit training with a personal trainer. It was outstanding. I was able to do almost all of the machines and was much stronger than I expected. The cardio was a bit harder today and I cut it down to 20 minutes per the trainer because were were doing the machines. My body was weaker after yesterdays half hour on the treadmill. I am looking forward to gaining strength as time goes on.

I learned something new today about my body and my exercise regime. I really pushed myself this first week and experienced some severe consequences due to my renal failure. The cardio is fine, but the circuit training on the weight machines is too much for my body right now. The lactic acid is making me very sick because my body can't get rid of it fast enough. I really enjoyed my work outs, but I did not enjoy getting sick after. I am going to back down a bit and just do cardio until I build up a bit of strength. A very good week, all in all.

I have just made it to the other side of a horrific failure. This past two weeks I started eating some of my old comfort foods. It started a little before that with a bite here or there, then a meal here or there and ended with a couple days of semi-SAD eating. I slipped a few healthy things in.

The beauty of this particular failure is that I learned more than I ever have about myself. I can look back on the past 7 months that I have been doing so well on a plant based diet (regular McDougall Plan). I have cured disease, stopped all medications, got rid of all symptoms and feel incredibly good. Ironic that my weight has not changed one bit in the past 7 months. It is not because of cheating, but because I was adding peanut butter on a regular basis along with avocados and sunflower seeds.

So, this brings me to my recent "aha" moment. It was more like a wake up call I guess. When I started going back to old eating habits this past week, I started asking myself if it would really be so bad to be fat the rest of my life. Then I started getting symptoms back. It was ugly. I was shocked at how fast they struck me. I concluded very quickly that it is do or die. There is no "giving up" because that would mean that my healthy life is over. I started envisioning medication bottles cluttering my counter and doctor visits becoming regular again, not to mention the constant fear of dialysis looming over my head (which has been gone for some time now.)

It gave me more strength and determination than I have previously had. I am taking it one day at a time. Norm has been an incredible inspiration for me. When he reached his 300 pounds I started seeing something really amazing in his journey... just keep doing it every single day... the same thing over and over. It occurred to me that I am doing the same thing every day (or I was), but it isn't quite the right same things. If I were to just exclude the healthy fats from my diet I would see results in weight loss. I realized it is time to cut the fat. Pun intended. I started back on MWL yesterday and after my two weeks of off and on junk eating, had to detox. That was a load of fun. I slept a record fourteen hours last night (with a few quick trips to the bathroom). I can't remember ever getting that much sleep.

I am determined. I am still under 300 pounds, barely and I am ready to see that change. I know what I have to do. I have tried to do MWL several times, without success, but it was because I was not letting go of needing more flavors and fat. I am finding bliss in simple eating now. It has been effortless this past two days. Now I just have to keep repeating it over and over. I have no desire to go backwards after all of the progress I have made, but this past couple weeks shows me how easy it is to just abandon it all and give up... going back to my old comfort zone.

I am creating a new comfort zone and working on the things I struggle with. The biggest is my husband's lack of participation and support. I expect so much from him and part of me expected him to carry me over the finish line by keeping me on track. I realize now that I have to keep myself on track regardless of what he does. No one is responsible for me except me. I have to make it important enough to fight temptation and win. I also have to incorporate exercise a great deal more than I am. I got off to a good start and then gave up again. Giving up seems to be my theme of late. No more.

My goals are set and I have an amazing friend that is at her goal and is walking this with me now, inspiring me and mentoring me. She was where I am now. She is a beautiful person inside and out and I admire her so much. When I get to my goal I am meeting her in Yosemite National Park and we are climbing Half Dome together. My final "after" pic will be at the top. I have never in my life had that kind of inspiration! I am more ready than I have ever been to reach my weight loss goals.

This is where you want to be. The bliss of simple eating. When you are truly satisfied with the food you eat every day it becomes so easy to stick with it. There is an amazing sense of freedom that comes over you. The freedom from the bondage of old food habits and the freedom of total satisfaction in healthy eating.

Keep at it!

-Norm

Thank you Norm for commenting. I appreciate the example you have been and I continue to find this effortless now. I am not fighting it anymore and I realize it wasn't about the food and flavor at all - it was simply about my need to cling to my habits and my comfort zone. What a freedom! I am creating a new comfort zone.

I am going to weigh each Friday, but I had to step on the scale this morning to see that initial progress. An 8 pound loss in three days. It felt good to be moving in the right direction and not just maintaining the numbers anymore.

I am also working on my ability to just say NO to the foods I cannot eat, even if they are sitting right in front of me. So many times I have been angered at my husband bringing junk into this house, but the reality is that I grabbed it, put it into my mouth and said yes to it. I have the control to say No Thank You and I am empowering myself to do that on a daily basis. He is happier because I am not hyper-critical of everything he does and the real twist... he isn't bugging me so much or mentioning junk food as often. He is actually eating healthier and supporting me more than he ever did before. Quite the contrast in such a short time. I didn't see it before, but I do now.

I have appreciated how, along this journey, I have had so many "aha" moments. This is definitely another one! I am ready to get to my goal. I also appreciate all of the 'strict' McDougallers that kept giving their subtle advice on the board. It always rested in the back of my mind and when the wake up call came, the information was there and I knew exactly what to do.

What doesn't work for me is to tell myself I can't have those foods, that they are off limits. Sure, my will might win that battle most of the time, but resentment will creep in and eventually I'll cave. It's my nature. Instead I tell myself that I could have some if I wanted to, but keep in mind all of the reasons why I gave them up in the first place. I haven't been seriously tempted by foods I shouldn't eat in a long, long time, even if they're sitting right in front of me.
I was, however, mildly tempted the other night. In an attempt to build community I have been inviting people from the neighborhood over to play board games during the nice days of summer. The other day one of the guys wanted to come but his wife was cooking up fried chicken and he didn't want to miss it. I told him to come anyway and have his wife bring his dinner over when it was done, that I'd also be eating my dinner during the game. She brought over a HUGE platter of pan fried chicken and rolls slathered with butter. It was a meal the old Norm would have cooked and ate. And it was hot, needed to set and cool down. So it sat there for a good long while and then it took him forever to eat it because it was such a huge platter of food. I admit... it looked good and it SMELLED heavenly. The smell triggered many fond memories of similar meals I'd eaten and the intense pleasure they brought me. Had I told myself I couldn't have any I'd have had a battle in my mind I quite likely would have lost. I instead asked myself why it smelled so good, when for the most part the smell of meat, especially raw meat, has become such a turn off to me. And I knew it was because it triggered fond memories. I wouldn't eat that chicken because it appealed to me then and there, because quite honestly, it didn't.. I would have eaten it trying to capture the pleasure I felt before. And I knew that wouldn't be possible. I learned from my addiction to alcohol many years ago that many people drink ever increasing amounts of alcohol trying to recapture the initial pleasure alcohol brought them in the past... and requiring more and more alcohol while bringing them less and less pleasure... Then I was sad for about 30 seconds before I remembered I'd already gone through this process and let it go, went back to eating my potatoes, and all was well with the world.
The process I'm referring to is the letting go of foods and relationships to foods I've had in the past. it's a grieving process, much like you go through during a divorce. People who do not go through this process after a divorce carry much more baggage into their future that will plague them forever, causing them to make bad decisions and hinder their ability to "get it right" the next time. Same thing with the relationships we have with food. If we do not properly say goodbye, if we do not grieve their loss then we're likely to make a bad decision when we find ourselves sitting at the same table with them.
I'd gone through that process and that plate of chicken might as well of been my ex-wife... Still looked good... still smelled wonderful.... but I wasn't touching it. Hell no!!

-Norm

Wow Norm... that was an amazing post. I understand what you are saying. I had not really thought of it that way. I know I have an addiction or a relationship with food that was very unhealthy. It comforted me. I have had people be so critical because I am not to the place yet of hating the smells of fast food or things like fried chicken. They smell so good to me. I just hadn't thought of the relationship between the memory and the smell, rather than the actual desire to eat the food. I will really have to pay attention to that and remember to be much more conscious in my actions. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

That was indeed a great response, Norm. For me, I try to also remember that while I may have enjoyed my association with the food in the past, it was actually a toxic relationship that ultimately brought me pain and grief. I let go of friends that were toxic, so letting go of food that is toxic was also necessary. But you're right, there is a definite grieving process involved! Like grieving, at some point one must accept the reality and move on.

HUGS!!! love Norm's last comment to you it makes a ton of sense.