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Hi. I have begun lots of journals here, always with good intentions of sticking to the program, and failing almost immediately each time. I don't think I have ever even lasted a full day in any of my attempts that I have journal led here, or that I did privately.

It's at the point though where I am running out of the option of not radically cleaning up my eating, and I'm facing a decision on Monday morning. I have to decide whether to go ahed with a scheduled wisdom teeth operation (under general anesthetic) in 8 days or delay it for a few months. The issue I have is that one of my major fears in life is going under general anesthetic, which is compounded by the fact that I have been eating shockingly and as a result am very obese, am very unhealthy, probably loaded up with toxins and probably have really compromised blood circulation. So I am really, really worried about going into surgery like this. The operation is booked in a city a way away because I could get in sooner than in my hometown but on Monday I am going to see if my old appointment still stands which would mean that my operation would not be for a few months, therefore giving me time to get healthier. The issue there though is whether I will have teeth problems in the meantime. I suspect not, but I'm going to Italy for a couple of weeks just before the appoint,ent and I'm not thrilled at the prospect of having painful dental issues when I'm overseas in a largely non English speaking country.

All the above is a very long winded way of saying I am not sure my immediate goal is. If I find out on Monday that the surgery is in a week I will want to launch into full on MWL to try and clear up my arteries a little bit and reduce blood pressure etc. if I am able to get it done in a few months I feel like making my goal initially to stick with gettin rid of all dairy and animal products. At the moment dairy is the basis of my diet. Ice cream, milk and chocolate are what I've been eating throughout each day for years. I have not been able to get away from them.

The good news: today I ate no dairy at all! And every piece of food I put in my mouth would have been comfortably less than 10% calories from fat. I even cooked (!) a big sautéed vegetable thing with onion, greens and vegetable and herbs and had it over brown rice. I ate it twice today and have some left over for tomorrow.

Several weeks ago I discovered that frozen banana tastes just like banana ice cream, which I love, so I have having that (unfortunately not instead of icecream, but as well as). A few days I ordered a yonana machine that I read about on these boards. I can wait for that!

I am off dairy for good now as of today. After not having it today I dont feel bloated, which I definitely have been all the time.

I have rambled. I'm going to stop. Thanks for reading

Ben

Hi Ben ~

I'll be cheering you on! I'm happy you were able to give up dairy. One step at a time. I hope you are able to get your dental issues resolved so that it does not cause you further discomfort or stress.

I have found over the years that if I keep up with the journals even when I make a mistake it helps me get back on track. Also keeps me accountable to myself. I don't let it get me down I just have it help me move on. It also helps me look back on things that caused my issues for my journals I put how I was feeling or what was happening at the time in.

Thanks Pacificfords and Rosey. It's nice to hear from you both. I read your journals daily and am inspired by both your wonderful progresses.

I am happy to report that I ate NO dairy again today. The changes I have noticed today after the second dairy free today are that I am considerably less bloated, I don't feel drugged and out of it, and most bizarrely, the muscles in my butt are really, really sore!?! It's like they would feel if I had taking up running all of a sudden, which I can assure you I have not done. It is even painful/tender when walking or when I sit down. I'm thinking it might be due to dairy detox????

Because dairy stuff was almost all I have been eating it means I have found other things to eat. I finished off the rice and vegetable thing from yesterday, had fruit......and I also found some dairy (and gluten) free biscuits. They don't fit into my long term plan, but I am now making this week just about getting of dairy. So in the last two days the amount of fat I have eaten has plummetted dramatically, and my fibre intake has increased dramatically, and the overall calorie intake would have dropped a lot.

Tomorrow is when I will make a decision about the surgery date. I am now leaning towards postponing it until after I get back from Italy - unless I'm left with no better options after tomorrow

Ben

Welcome back once again Ben. Your persistence is to be admired. Since you started with us in 2006 you have seen the board evolve and the people come and go, as well as many long term members still hanging around.
We have to, at some point, figure out how to make this program work for you and what is the long term stumbling block to your getting the progress you need. Your original post back in 2006 said you were 34 years old and were obese most of your life. Now you are 40 and six years of your life are gone. This is not an easy program to adopt but it is simple. While we are all unique there are some basics that hold true for everyone and being around as long as you have you probably know them. It's time for the procrastination to end and the transition to a healthy way of eating to start. It does seem that you only last a day or two before falling back into the eating ways that have put you in the situation you have been in all your life. Make the changes Dr. McDougall suggest in terms of planning and clearing out the house of unhealthy food. Surround yourself with only health restoring food. You need to have a period of time eating on program for the transition to take place and for your body to experience the transformative nature of the food. If you need motivation go back into your posts here and follow your path noting what you tried and why it failed. No one knows that path better than you and no one can turn around your situation but you. Only you can make the changes that will bring about a healthy weight and the change to your life that will follow. Six years can be a blink of an eye and 6 years will go by again just as fast. Do it Ben. Do it right and it will be finally over and done and we can all celebrate with you. It's not going to be easy but it's also not going to be as bad as you might think. Once you are on a roll your body will start working with you instead of against you. You are probably just 10 or 12 days of compliance from putting yourself in that position. It's time.
f1jim

Thanks Jim. I am feeling much more optimistic this time around than others actually. Today I REALLY wanted to have a dairy binge, but the part of me that really didn't want to go there was stronger. So today is my third dairy free day in a row.

Some people might find the fact that I did actually buy some soy icecream and eat that a bit questionable, but my current goal is not to get everything right right away. My goal for this week is to break away from dairy. And I am determined to do it. Today was the hardest day for me so far and so I did also have some dairy free biscuits because I didn't want to feel deprived when I was in potential danger of going and getting a milkshake. I also ate cereal today.

Tomorrow is going to,be another dairy free day....and I am going to make sure I eat some whole foods too

Ben

I thought I would add a post describing a typical day's food

Breakfast:
Bacon and egg muffin from McDonalds (I don't have a big love affair with meat, but I have let slip in. It's gone now, without it even being hard)
Thick shake

In car on way to work:
Two chocolate bars

All day during work breaks (no real lunch meal eaten):
Chocolate

After work:
Something like a bun or a sausage roll
Milk drink

At home at night:
Icecream

This is a typical day, with no exaggeration. Some days I will add something in, maybe a fruit juice, maybe a pizza, but this is typical of,how I have been eating for a long time now.

I am not surprised by how little energy I have, but I am surprised that I am not fatter than what I am

Ben

Ben your efforts are noted but you have some serious addictive issues that must be addressed or you will once again fall off the wagon. It's not a matter of how much you want to turn your situation around, it's a matter of correcting those addictive issues that no human can overcome with will power.
I strongly suggest reading The Pleasure Trap or at the very least watching the video here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxf4kj8Rb6Y

Don't just repeat what has failed previously. The years are passing and your health is at risk. It's time to step up and try a proven method of overcoming these addictions. Bouncing between a day of healthy eating and months of junk food is seriously risking your life. You can be a beacon of hope instead of a source of sadness and frustration. Go back over your history here and ask yourself if you are serious about addressing these issues or you just need a place to vent. Thee is a vast chasm between those places. You owe it to yourself to make the changes.
f1jim
f1jim

That is great! The more you let go of the bad foods, the better you will feel. It may give you more clarity of thought and increase your dedication to the healthy foods. Keep it up!!!

Glad to see you back Ben - I have thought of you and wondered how you were doing. Jim has great words of wisdom for you - the truth is that changing over to this way of eating is not easy for anyone - we all have our favourite foods, often with emotional connections to and memories of happy times associated with those foods. The unhappy times is the awful way we feel compared to how good we can feel once we get off those foods. Jim has posted in the past that he wishes he started this way of eating a whole lot earlier in his life, before he had to contend with serious health issues. In fact, I would bet that everyone here would say the same thing. All the best to you - it is so important to regain and/or keep one's health. My Aunt used to say, and I truly believe it, is that if you have your health, you have everything!

Good for you Ben to come back to a wonderful team of people to support you...I am new here but I am totally amazed by what a daily or bi weekly posting does to make sure I stay on track...look forward to your progress because you will succeed!

Addictions take away everything good and worthwhile in our lives, leaving only the addiction as the source of all gratification. The addict within us will do anything to keep what it wants. Don't let it win. As we start having tiny successes the "real" person will grow stronger and more in charge.

Ben, I am in awe of what you have gone thru... you are in control and you can do this. It is one of the hardest things we can do, but after all, you are so worth it too. You are in good company here, and I have enjoyed all the support so freely given to me as well.
Good luck to you and you will be in my prayers too!

Thank you for your support everyone.

It has been made known to me that I am not going to be allowed to keep posting as I have been, because it might depress and dishearten people. I am sorry if what I have written here has done this to anyone...it was certainly never my intention. So I won't be journalling anymore

I am hoping that I am not going to be banned from the board, so I hope to be making some posts in other forums where it might be appropriate.

And I am going to be successful this time around I promise.

Ben

Well shoot. Welcome back!! And then goodbye?!

I don't think anyone here gets disheartened. Most of us know how hard it is get over SAD and our addictions to it. Some can just jump in and never look back. And some need time and certain things to fall in place before we adhere fully. I've been both people.

You'll get there. I hope you keep journalling even if just an update periodically to tell us how awesome you're doing!!!
Just keep moving forward. You can do this!!!