Discussion Board

Bummer to hear that #2 son has defected to the other side, but what a great comment from #1 son! I'm glad that you are able to keep doing what is best for you and not give in to pressure.

Can't wait to see your final picture--I know it'll look great.

Fulenn

I went to a cooking class tonight and the biggest complaint everyone had was that although they were doing great with eating healthy, their significant other wasn't willing to budge. It seems to be a common theme with couples. One likes to think it was their idea to change and might resist change if they feel it is being forced upon them. Yet another reason I'm glad I'm single. I'm not made for power struggles. Keep up the good work.

Dis-- funny how life can be!! We wives complain about the men, and the husbands do the same about the women! My mother used to say: can't live without them, can't live with them!! but hey I think that your wife is so blessed with you and I predict that she will thanks you one day for all you are doing to get healthy for yourself and the family too! At the moment she just can't see the forest for the trees ( another one my mother loved--- that one and fools rush in where angels fear to tread!)

I am getting my DH on board and he has now had steel cut oats for the 2 day in a row. woo-hoot! He loves his spinach with only some vinegar on it too.
Rosey, I love the fart.lady deal too. I mean who isn't these days anyway? Maybe all those pretenders.....( Liar- liar pants on fire!!)

carollynne Well, maybe not "melting", but weight seems to be dropping off nicely right now. Glad to hear you are making progress with your DH.

fulenn #2 son has always been sensitive to peer pressure and things like that. He first started going off his diet, when going out to eat with friends. Then he passed his military PT re-test, and decided to go off it for a month or so.

He posts his running times and distances on facebook with some app. I've noticed that his distances are getting shorter and his speed is slowing down. Thursday night he rode his motorcycle to our house, so he could go with the Wife and I to a viewing (relative of a friend). I made sure I had enough time to cook dinner after I got home, before we left for the viewing. We stopped on the way, and him and the Wife got fried chicken to eat in the car. I told him if he had let me know, I would have cooked enough dinner for him. He said he liked fried chicken, I said, "Your running times are showing that fact." He took a shot at me later as we were walking into the funeral home, "I think your vegan diet is making you shorter." I replied, "That's because you're wearing motorcycle boots, genius."

oregonmom This way of eating would be SO much simpler if I was single. Although, I'm not entirely sure that my Wife's adversarial position has not helped me to be more compliant in some ways. Sure there have been a couple of cookie incidents, but I do intend to win our contest of wills.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The wife was supposed to have made a lasagna and a vegan lasagna last Friday when our friends were visiting, but due to her high blood sugar incident, she was not able to. She decided to make them Yesterday. She made enough regular lasagna to take a full pan to the family who had the funeral. She also made a vegan lasagna. It was very good, although it did contain soy cheese.

Thankfully she doesn't cook vegan for me often. Not that she's not a great cook, she's amazing with spices and stuff. She just can't wrap her head around some of the concepts. I don't need to eat soy cheese, sure it's better than real cheese, but I'm quite sure it's not very healthy. I hate to discourage her in any way. So I'll just leave it at that.

My Wife said if I ever got down to weighing less than she did, that she would leave me. Her low was 204, but after quitting smoking I think she's been up at 212-214. She's smoking again, so I have no idea what her weight is. I'm down to 215, so I'm getting close.

I have a bowling tournament next weekend, there is supposed to be lots of golf played. Think I need to go out today and learn to play golf.

Hope everybody has a good weekend.

Interesting. Last year I had a bet with my husband that he'd owe me a thousand dollars if I weighed less than him by the end of the year*. Not only did I get off track over the holidays, he got sick over the summer and lost 20 pounds due to no appetite and then having to clean up his diet to get over it. There was no way, even if I'd stayed on track, that I could have lost the extra 20 pounds.

*Only once, for a brief time, have I weighed less than him in over two decades of marriage...and he is almost half a foot taller than me. However, the time is coming when this will again be a possibility. Don't think I'll get the grand though.

HI Dis, I am so glad that you are still making such great progress, your DW may be always a bit jealous that she has lost the upper hand in your wt loss / who cooks in the house game, but who cares? Getting healthy is its own reward! Nothing can beat this, but as we age, more and more age related issues will pop up, and you will be ahead of the game with your WOE!! Ta da

Chile Bummer about missing out on the grand. Guys also tend to have a much easier time losing weight than most women. I hear that one from the wife all the time.

carollynne One of the things that upsets the wife is she has lost 70 pounds since 2009, and nobody really notices. She also gets mad that I don't give her any credit for losing the weight. My opinion is, it's the out of control diabetes. She stopped taking insulin and gave up trying to control her blood sugar, so that is why I think the weight has come off.

She also wasn't cooking that often for me, they year before I began this way of eating. I was either getting fast food on the way to and from work, or I was eating out of a box from the freezer to the microwave.

dlee I had no plans to tell her I was that close, but when she asked what I weighed the other day, I told her, "It's not important." So she demanded to know and I told her.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The wife and I went out on Sunday to a pick your own strawberry place. The strawberries had been picked over for the most part, and most of what was left was over-ripe. Cherries were in season, so we picked 30 pounds of cherries. It was a fun day.

We went out to eat at a Japanese hibachi. The only thing I asked the waitress, was if there was dairy in the salad dressing. I ordered the grilled vegetables and steamed white rice. Of course the wife announced to everyone else at the shared table that I was a vegan. i guess she's trying to embarrass me when she tells complete strangers I'm a vegan, or maybe she's just trying to get people on her side, or get sympathy for having to live with me, I don't know. I don't have to defend my way of eating to people, but I'm very well armed with knowledge and facts if I do decide to engage.

We were sitting out on the back deck after getting home and she brings up the subject of me weighing less than her. She starts crying and says that everybody is going to think she's stupid for not doing the same thing to lose weight. I explained to her that nobody will think that, because they're too busy thinking I'm crazy. I have not converted a single person. Even my own Mother referred to me as a "Vegan Nazi" to one our mutual friends. My DIL watched FoK's with me, and won't do it. #2 Son did it, had success, and is now trying to get me off the "diet".

I admitted to her, that because of how much better I felt, and how quickly, that I had delusions about getting other people to try giving up animal products and added fats. I didn't realize how difficult to impossible this seems to be for most people. She told me that my friend "T" told her he thinks I'm crazy and that he hated the vegan meal he ate with me. That hurts my feelings a bit, but I guess it wasn't all that unexpected.

Then it got weird. I think she accused me of being an anorexic. She brought up that it was unreasonable for a man of my frame to weigh less than 200 pounds, and that all I was losing was muscle and was wasting away to nothing. She claimed I was sacrificing my health to get my weight lower. My BMI is still slightly above 30, so clinically I'm still obese. I showed her my belly fat to prove to her I still have lots of weight to lose. She claimed that's just skin, you'll never get rid of that without surgery. I asked how thick she thought skin was. She made reference to the show "My 600 Pound Life" were they will surgically remove folds of fat and skin from these people about they loose the first 100 pounds or so. I told her, that 40 pounds of skin is really, 1 pound of skin with 39 pounds of fat attached.

Then she preached about moderation. One of the people at the Japanese restaurant had celiac disease, but said sometimes he couldn't resist and would eat pizza or something that wasn't gluten free. So somehow in her mind, this guy's willingness to occasionally risk gastrointestinal distress, to satisfy a craving, made him superior to me in some way. So what I tried to explain to her is I have as much trouble resisting cheese as she has resisting broccoli. Resisting meat for me is like her resisting beans, it's a non issue. I'm not some super human pillar of self righteous will power like she seems to think I am, my tastes have just changed. That stuff is not food to me, anymore anymore than brussels sprouts are food to her.

Despite all that was said, I don't think we really accomplished anything. She's still upset I'm on the verge of weighing less than her.
It's very sad, she really can not see anyway for her to follow the rules of my way of eating. It seems like she has thought about it, but just can't figure it out. Meat is not the problem. It's the butter and cream she can't seem to do without. The thought of eating ANY vegetable, even the ones she likes, without butter, is abhorrent to her. I can't think of anything I can do for her. I can't do anything for anybody. I can only save myself.

Maybe I am crazy, maybe all of you reading this are just as crazy. My wife thinks we're all just lab rats in some experiment Dr. McDougall is running and that there's bound to be long term, detrimental side effects from following his diet recommendations. My wife asserts that it is impossible for diet to have any change on your body other than losing weight and that anything else is just placebo effect.

I know she's wrong. I know we're not crazy. It just makes me sad, that so many people I care about, seem to live in that alternative universe. They choose to live in that world. That world were you are at the mercy of doctors and drugs and genetics. I've told several people to try this diet for 4 days, and they will feel the difference. They all claimed that 4 days wouldn't be enough to notice a difference, but none were willing to try.

Sorry if I was too melancholy this morning. Just one of those days.

It has occurred to me that maybe she told you your friend didn't like your meal in an attempt to prove to you how crazy you are. Maybe he didn't say that. It seems there is a lack of respect on your wife's side and tries everything to make you look/feel foolish and using your friend against you is just another method.

Sorry you're still having to live in what could be described as hell, or at least a sad life

I guess more of my point is, why does she seem to try to hard to make you look foolish? What was she trying to accomplish at the restaurant? Did any of the people, even in past times, say oh you poor dear living with a crazy vegan?? Who cares if you asked about the dressing?? There are lots of people allergic to dairy. Yet in almost every situation she tries in vain to humiliate you.

She's full of excuses. If she doesn't want to eat this way then fine. But there is a real lack of respect, marital respect, to what she's doing!!

From this side of things she sounds like a sad woman. She would rather you eat her way and die early then just support you, her husband, and be grateful you may live longer and be there for her. I'm confused by that.

I can completely understand your frustration. Sometimes it’s like banging your head in a bowl full of tacks.

I give you so much credit enduring your wife’s comments. I don’t get the support I would want from my boyfriend who I feel, at times, will with purpose sabotage my exercise and eating plans. It’s become quite the issue and an arguing point between us.

I don't know what to suggest. You two do talk about what's bothering each of you...you both communicate, and that's good. Counseling? I go by myself at times for me. I just don't understand why some people (your wife, my boyfriend) cannot support people that want to be active and take good care of themselves and want us to surrender ourselves and our interests...

BTW – I used to think women should always weigh less then men and wear their hair longer than men, too! Then I got older and cut my hair

Dis - I've been gone a long time from the diet, board & your blog - but I've spent a couple of days trying to catch up here. (Your journal was my 1st priority!)

I'm sorry the past few days have been rough, but from where I sit you are awesome, amazing & really have your wits about you. I admire to do what you've done and often feel I like the mental strength and toughness required to succeed.

I do have to mention that I laughed (for real, out loud, alone in my office) about the 'ass bread' comment. Never ever thought of that but I have always refused to eat stuffing that ever been near a bird!!

In many ways my sister and your wife could be the same person. You shared with us how she thinks organic = crazy vegan and my sister is totally with that way of thinking. She's always telling me I'm a crazy vegan even when I am clearly not. I want to be though, so maybe that's what offends her. She tried to convince me that she heard about a study that 'proved' that people that eat organic are more grumpy and less happy in life. Maybe she and your wife read the same article online?

Hope your day is going great today! Congratulations on your weight loss!!

Wow, Dissolution, as always I am floored by what you deal with.

I am glad you can vent here. Worry not if you are "melancholy." If that is what helps to keep you sane in an insane world, I say go for it.

Rooting for you, as always!

It is not confusing at all, really. She is irrationally insecure. People like this are afraid those in their lives are going to leave them. If someone is losing weight and getting healthy an irrationally insecure person can easily feel that it's only inevitable the other person is going to leave them. Once they believe it is inevitable then they will do anything to create their own self illusion that it's the other persons fault and they start sabotaging everything trying to provoke the other parter into blowing up or doing something horrible so others will also see it's their partners fault, hoping to gain some sympathy from someone.
No, it never works out well for anyone involved. No, it's not logical or rational. But it is typical human behavior, and if a person doesn't get help with it then more often than not it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

-Norm

We're not lab rats. We're bunnies! Much cuter than rats.

Life really is an individual journey. We can't do it for others. Even if we can lend them our shoes, they still have to take every step under their own power.

Lifestyle change isn't easy. It's not just about food. Old habits. Addictions. Programming. Interactions. Politics. Economics. Culture. Our larger culture is a madhouse full of mirrors that warp everything around them. Nothing makes sense there.

I was in Sam's Club the other day. Standing in the checkout line and people watching, I kept seeing all these very large people. Lots of huge people. In a sea of overweight and obese people, few were near "normal" size. I only saw one thin young woman. Overweight and obese (and medicated) have become normal in the madhouse.

Misery loves company. That plays out in all our interactions. We all have our misery buttons. The challenge becomes realizing when they've been poked, and short-circuiting the default reaction to join the misery. We have to locate and know our buttons--but that takes work. Inner journey work can be the most difficult and time-consuming work because it's wrapped up in emotional baggage and concealed under all the madhouse mirrors.

People are addicted to their lifestyle. Of course they are.
http://www.netplaces.com/addiction-reco ... denial.htm

If you're a funny bunny standing near the Madhouse exit, which is more likely to lure other bunnies who may be hungry for change in your direction, a carrot or a big stick? Seems to me the stick would just drive them deeper into denial. The Starch Solution is like a carrot. Just hold onto that sucker and keep moving toward the door. The rest is up to them.