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i had a good and bad day. frustrating. my intestines were quite bloated today and i had pains. it put me in a down mood.

but yes, i'm pretty anal about spice blends. many curry spices put flour in it and not sure why. the ones from the organic market have labels but not so certain about if there are hidden ingredients. its frustrating. i need to find a place to get the fenegreek (?) again. i lost some spices since i was told spices are evil. i rarely go out to eat because even if i'm careful, half the time i have the runs the next day regardless. i think when they use oils (even if you assume they arent using any) they use pans that werent cleaned and my body has problems with oils with high heat too. so ifind eating out unpleasant now.

i think i will put the rest of what i made in the freezer for when i'm desiring something more spicy. i found a simple (milder) red lentil curry recipe that i can use soymilk instead of the coconut milk since i'm liking creamy a lot now. i also have some fresh tumeric which i used in a dressing today that i liked and wanted a recipe with that in it too. i will try that tomorrow. i guess i can sprout for a day the red lentils too? i will try that then RRCs recipe. i think i will like the red lentils better, esp. if i mashed them up. i like split pea soup i know and those are mashed up. i'm hesitant to try any larger beans right now. i think mung beans might be a good idea to try too.

i was able to finally push myself out my apartment and go skating! i didnt go long before it rained and fell 3 times which hurt. but that sets reality how thin i am and i have thick pads even in my pants. but it lifted my mood and i was proud of myself for making the first step! i just got mad at myself because i am pushing myself to eat to DO things and live life and i'm sitting terrified in my apartment lying in bed. so i told myself to go and if i just stand there, so be it. i have to go and it was fine. i just was there 25 mins and stood around mostly but i did do some skating.

i'm just a little frustrated tonight because i get pushed by people who are blinded by the meat and dairy industry that i need meat then i get told how potatoes are enough. i know in reality there is a place in between that i'm working on doing that is actually healthy yet enough but not too much. i think even one serving of lentils a day would be good. my dr is very good. she isnt vegan or vegetarian but is compassionate to where i am and my limitations and works with me so i do make changes. i think when i start eating more and getting more vegan sources i can print out the protein content on the food and see if its enough she thinks for me to get better. i wish i had a lot of money and could do a consult with dr. mcdougall but even if i did, i'm sure like most drs. since its not his specialty and in the USA there are all these liability issues, he would brush me off.

oh how does toasting the rice before cooking affect it? i could try that too. how to make rice porridge 100 different ways lol.

Hang in there. Recovery from anything whether it's cancer or anorexia is 3 steps forward and 2 steps back. never a straight line. But, at least it's a step forward. I don't know if this applies to you or not but one of the symptoms of Celiac is the inability to digest fats. Excuse me for too much information, but once I passed gas and an oil slick at the same time! Gut pain can really get me down too! On some days I work over an hour drive away from home. Often I would drive home hunched over with my pants open while my bloated belly would ache and cramp. Often i was in tears or close to it. When I got home, all I could was lie down flat until the pain subsided.

That was a good idea to just go out and do what you can without over doing it.

I think toasting the rice make it cook faster and easier to grind. Sure makes it smell fantastic. We have pet mice and when I toast the grain it wakes them from a dead sleep with their noses high in the air and their eyes wide.

What you need is food. When others see you eating and regaining your health, most of them will probably back off. There will always be people who disagree, but then you can say that it seems to be working for you. Until then, you will have to deal with the conflicting info. You could also say that your doctor is fine with the way you are eating. FYI I saw an hematologist that was vegetarian. She didn't have any problem with my diet. Didn't push me to eat meat to correct my anemia.

Glad you're anal about the spices. It's ok to eat a few dishes that you like to eat and to rotate them around. Most people eat wheat in a hundred different forms all day and think they are getting variety. Are you eating veggies and fruit too? Salads etc?

I remember going out when I had cancer and feeling very vulnerable. Being out in public was strange. People just seemed so careless. I felt very fragile, both physically and emotionally. I got over it with time and a return to health.

Today is one step forward!

RRC

As to the different proteins

I did a spread sheet of the amounts do you want it, it has all the vitamins. IT is potatoes, rice, beans peas I can always add in any other grain if you needed it to compare.

I didn't do the amino acids but I could easily add them in if you needed them.

All the amounts are for 500 grams about 2 and a quarter cups.

well good news! i made the coconut red lentil curry and liked it! it had the sprouted lentils, onion, garlic, ginger, fresh turmeric, cumin, coriander, soymilk with some coconut flour and extract, blended it all then put in zuchinni and cilantro. i'm REALLY hating cooking but i have to do a few recipes before i know what i like, then i can do it in volume and freeze. it wasnt too spicy and blending it made it creamy. i am very happy with this recipe!

i am having 2 pieces of fruit a day and usually a salad but not today. i have some cooked veggies too. i try to get in a pound of veggies but not usually lately. i make a salad sandwhich sometimes with ketchup and mustard lol. or i make a dressing using a tbsp of tahini or almond butter with tamari and asian ingredients on top of salad greens with tomatoes. then i have my rice porridge and yam or potato.

my butt muscles were sore today which made me feel down so i didnt feel like eating this afternoon so i skipped my salad and had a protein drink instead. i'm concerned i'm eating everything cooked now as it was drilled into my head how all grains leach minerals out of your bones and all cooked food is evil and spices are evil etc etc. but i feel better now. i got bored just eating apples and oranges trying to be a raw foodist and i felt weaker too. it was 100F outside so i thought maybe i would just walk a bit today and exercise every other day. otherwise i might hurt myself since i'm already sore. i am getting bored now though.... i think soon i have to push myself to draw. i feel i am pushing myself enough though without being too overwhelmed. i'm also sleeping in too much in the mornings but i've been very tired so havent remedied this yet.

but it seems my diet consists of about 1 cup "milk", 2 fruits, 1 yam, sometimes a corn thin or maybe i'll make popcorn soon, 1 serving rice, 1/2 raw 1/2 cooked vegetables up to a pound, 1/2 cup lentils i hope, 1 ounce equivalent about of nuts/seeds usually in a dressing for a salad or as nut butter on a corn thin. sometimes i use 1/2 tsp of oil if i use smart balance or sesame oil but subtract that and its not often. i think i'll put lentils on my potatoes now! if i dont feel like eating or have problems with the runs i seem to be making protein drinks or ensure as a crutch. but i hope to stop that soon. i eat 5 times a day so each meal is small. does this sound ok? i try to eat all these foods until i meet the caloric intake.

i would like any info on protein. i think i will see if there is a way to show my total and individual protein sources from these foods. i feel my diet is ok now if i stick to it and stick to the calories. i feel bad about eating so much cooked food now and salt. but this time my electrolytes were normal so maybe i shouldnt cut the salt back yet.

i'm still getting a lot of gas. if it keeps up i might do the lentils every other day til its better. everything ive read on beans say go slow. but those gas pains are awful! my intestines dont like me much now. my bms seem ok today.

i might try tomorrow to make a simple jambalya veggie stew. i want everyday to find a simple but different recipe thats healthy and quick so that i'm making something different everyday, even if its a simple soup. then in time i can do it quickly and it wont be a big deal. i hate feeling like i'm getting fat and then the food is so boring i dont want to eat it anyways.

Maybe it was just from the skating? I know that my muscles get sore if I do something like that after not having done it for a while.

I'm glad you are feeling better overall.

yes my muscles are still a little sore from the skating. thats ok! ive been up and doing stuff now for THREE days. i went to wet my sculpture and looking forward now to sculpture class in the fall. people asked me why i wasnt in class. i had to drop it because i wasnt feeling well.

i am really liking those lentils! i am starting sprouting some whole peas. for some reason i'm enjoying watching the tails grow lol. but today i had a horrible day with pains in my intestines about 20-30 mins after i ate. it was like the whole large colon, glass like sharp pains. about 1/2 hour later i went and it subsided but it was really painful. its still tender/aches like its raw. i dont know what to do so i am waiting on my dr to talk to me to see if there is something i can take to coat it and to relieve the gas pain quickly. i guess i'm due for some simethicone. i feel dumb if i'm dying just of gas pains but ive had a serious broken arm and the intensity is the same. i must have a very sensitive colon. otherwise i feel better all around. i just need a new intestine. im not sure what i'm doing wrong. also feeling more hungry now but afraid to eat more. maybe my metabolic rate is working again.

So glad to hear that you are up and doing stuff! And that you feel hungry! You have awoke your body and its asking for more. I say eat what you can when you can and keep it simple for your poor colon. I've had that glass shredding feeling before, probably not as extreme as you are having. Not a fun feeling at all. Your doctor will know better what is going on but it sounds like small tears or ulcers in the intestine wall. I don't know what to do for that except keep your meals really simple. But really this is a thing for your doctor to help you with.

I love sprouting things too. It's so exciting to see the little tails. Fermenting things is fun too. Watching it bubble and get sour smelling.

cbs, I was wondering if you wanted start a new thread in the support group or journal section? This doesn't seem to be about gluten free oats any more. I would happily check in with you to see how you are doing every day or so. Others would like to do so too, I'm sure.

Stay in the moment. Don't dwell on the past and don't project into the future. When I had cancer i had to repeat to myself over and over "right now I'm OK" "I did such and such yesterday and will do such and such tomorrow, but right now I'm OK" and made sure I was breathing deeply. Always drawing my attention to how I was breathing. Breathing patterns are great clue to mental states and can be used to gradually change that mental state.

It worked.

Take care,

RRC

ok i will start a new thread in another section.

not feeling well tonight. i just got a call saying she said to take pepto. i'm kinda stopped up i think which is causing the extreme pain. i dont think she got the full message, oh well. so i'm sticking to liquids and low fiber foods i guess til this gets better. i think the oats started all this. i guess the answer is they are out.

I am not so sure the oats started it... but I think you have to take things one day at a time...
I think you added a lot of different fiber things in and notcie how your body and hunger are responding to the beter diet.. the gas cramps will pass.

can you get some beano or gas-x to take while you are working through add ing teh extra fiber until your body adjusts.

I think it is inexpesive and you can get it at the grocery store.

I too will follow you to where ever you start your new thread... just let us know so we can find it.

By the way keep up the good work.

I also wanted to say taht as you get your health back and as you stick to the gluten free diet.. I think you will find a lot of relief from you anorexia. ANyway keep up the good work if you need to back down to some potatoes for a couple of days untill your stomack settles back down do... and you may find that when you add teh lentils back in you have less of tummy issues.

oh i thought i should post about the beano, its not vegan (fish) AND contains WHEAT. so no wont get that. i do have a digestive enzyme that i will take when i eat the lentils again that contains the same enzyme in beano but is gluten free also. simethicone only really gets rid of gas in the tummy ive read but i just got some charcoal for next time to see if that helps more. i will start taking probiotics too as wouldnt that solve the gas problem? i am not sure if my colon is lacking the mucus that these grains are very harsh on it along with the cellulose, etc. or if its gotten very narrow. it just feels like maybe my bm was too big and it has some tears and thats whats hurting. so i am hoping this isnt serious, and maybe i can eat GF oats one day but not now for sure.

i'm a little down and my colon is still tender. i'm thinking of getting fresh aloe from the asian market as that might help healing? just i need to figure out a way to ingest it that doesnt make me want to heave. its slimy and not appetizing.

i will start a blog in the journal section maybe monday when i can eat more real foods again. i'm living off of liquid sugar mostly now so i feel i shouldnt share that much. the pain was severe. my case worker wanted to take me to the hospital today since i have some blood too but i thought i should just consume liquids til it settles as its better today, then start with soft, low fiber foods like potato soup? i hate this but i might drink ensure again a few days til this settles then add like one new food a week i guess. i feel defeated. i try to eat and i end up in lots of pain.

thanks for the support, really trying to do well but its been so hard.

I wouldn't trust drinking aloe. I need scientific research and not word of mouth.

I find that after a celiac attack fresh fruit can aggrovate the pain.

I also don't see how more fibre would hurt you, but I do not know a whole lot about your case.

I am sorry to hear you get a lot of gut pain, I get it too. I am still tweaking the McD diet. I would think that ensure with all the dairy would make it worse. If you have a dairy sensitivity, it would almost certainly cause you pain. Have you considered vega?

I find that the best thing for me is a BLAND diet. Like rice, beans, steam veggies and only a little salt. This always makes my stomach feel better.

I know you are recovering from anorexia, I had that problem (secretly) many years ago. Doctors automatically assumed it was teh vegan diet. I forget what changed but I simply don't have those thoughts anymore. So, I don't know about the treatment for anorexia so I would trust what this case worker of yours says.

honestly, the harsh fibers in grains feel the worse for me and legumes are the most difficult for me to digest and produce a lot of gas pain. so i wont try to include those again til the pain is gone.

ensure is not a "dairy" product per say but does contain some dairy and soy in it. its lactose free which is my digestive problem and can be mucus producing but its basically sugar/oil with vit/minerals added and some protein powder and formulated for quick/easy digestion, even for those with severe digestive disorders. it has kept me alive in times i cant eat and has been a food that hasnt given me digestive grief except constipation actually. i will not post about it since its not mcdougall and wait til i'm better. it has no fiber or anything abrasive but its not a real food and not something i would recommend unless the person couldnt eat for whatever reason. its meant to keep people alive and has all the basics of nutrition to live, not a health food. i just dont know what else to do sometimes as when i was at my worst, thats what they shove down your nose and its gotten me stable. there are no vegan supplements that are that easy to digest and easy/palatable. clear liquid diet is easier and what i did yesterday. so today i feel much better. i might just do that today but i know my dr really wants me to have some protein and fats too, not just sugar.

the vega has fibers in it which right now would feel abrasive to me and honestly, i dont like the taste but try to hide it in things. i cant consume much of it though. brown rice hasnt worked for me in the past but i guess i'm hypersensitive to the fibers in all grains or maybe the rice was contaminated. i dont know. i will try brown rice again once the pain goes but grains and beans seem to cause me problems. potatoes are softer for me so i'll make a soup without the skin soon. liquids/juices seem to digest the best but its keeping my intestine from working long term.

heres something on aloe, ive used it on cuts/burns and its done its job so i can only assume it would help.
http://www.reversingibs.com/aloe-vera-ibs.html

anorexia is complicated. if you really have it and its severe and long term, its not something that you can just come out of, its a true mental illness unfortunately and most people dont seem to know what anorexia actually is. just like psychotic people dont just have their voices disappear. i wish it would just go away. who would want to live a life feeling like they dont even deserve to eat or wish they could disappear? that is anorexia. its not about going on a diet.

I'm sorry to hear you are suffering so much cbs. I can hear the frustration in your posts. Big hugs to you. And hang in there.

I had a lot odd gut pains especially in the colon when I first went gluten free. I was really surprised to find that fresh vegetable juices really settled the pain for me. My favourite was carrot, apple and ginger. My Mom made it for me with at least 2 inches of ginger in it. It was like fire in the mouth but heaven in the belly. Since you are on a liquid diet for a few days perhaps you could try adding in some fresh veggie juices. I think celery and cucumber are very soothing too. If you don't have access to a juicer, try a juice bar. I'd stay away from citrus fruit. Bananas, papayas, apples, kiwis maybe? might be ok. The fibres are probably irritating the damaged areas, but I think they'll also sweep away any waste from them too. Nothing wrong with potatoes! Eat them liberally if your gut tolerates them. Yams too. Frozen peas have all the same stuff as beans and what about tofu? Tempeh? I doubt the rice was contaminated. Probably too much too fast. What does your doctor say?

I love the quote by Jon Kabat-Zinn, who works with very ill patients using meditation techniques. He says something to the effect of "As long you are still breathing there is more right with you than wrong with you, no matter what's wrong with you."

I don't have anorexia and I don't know the details of the disease and recovery. But I can sympathize with the struggle you are having. I imagine that how the disease progresses and how people recover is very specific to the individual. But you are still here. You still wake up every morning and you still try. That counts. That's big! Just the fact that you want the anorexia gone is so important. This will pass. Be patient and slow down.

I wish you well today and you will be in my thoughts,

RRC

thanks so much rrc!

i feel better today. i went and it didnt hurt and no blood. i do have a juicer and made a bit of juice. it gave me a bit of a rush as i'm not used to it but it seems better then popsicles. lol. except it is 100F here!

tomorrow i will start with the potatoes again and bland soft foods. i will start a blog in the journal section. i'm feeling quite hungry now for something solid. i think i have to take it slower. i have the activated charcoal which should help if i get gas pains. i hope things work out and i can eat GF oats. or at least brown rice. ive been so restrictive in my diet for so long and realize now for what? its isolated me a lot. if i can have a few more things it would make me feel more normal, more human and more social. i'm tired of the lonliness too. you cant have friends or socialize if you are severely anorexic or orthorexic. "optimal" diet seems silly now. for what? to be all alone? i havent been out for my birthday for years..... maybe once in 10 years? but my diet even without any grains is still now much less restrictive then it used to be.

you can always tell an anorexic as they incessantly ask if something is ok to eat. i try not to do that as eventually people tire of it as its annoying so i apologize if i get into that.

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