Discussion Board

What do you think is the reason some of us are hesitant in bringing up diet to those who are suffering from disease and weight issues?

IMO a big reason would be that we are too concerned about what people may feel or how they would react.

I've noticed some people bring up diet in a very confident and straight-forward manner - very matter of fact.

While others do it in a cautious way. And those are the ones that tend to get more resistance.

When you carry your beliefs confidently less people tend to argue with you. I've seen this so many other topics that can be controversial.

Probably has to do with vulnerability. I posted a link to a Ted video about that here recently.

I think it is because a person's diet is even more personal to them and a far more touchy subject to talk about than even their politics or religion. Perhaps it's my lifelong love of talking politics and religion that make it so easy for me to talk to people about diet issues. I've learned over the years with those other "minefield" issues how to talk to people without being confrontational.
It >IS< possible to talk to people about it without fear or argument. Just as in politics or religion, if you approach conversation with too much rigidity and confrontation, you're not going to have a lot of success.
So ask yourself: Are you the type of person who can talk to people about other personal issues like politics or religion? If so, you can learn to talk to them about diet as well. If you find that you can't talk to people about any of those things without causing grief, then take that as a cue that there are some communication skills you've yet to master, and seek to do so that you can be the Ambassador Of Good Eating so many people around you desperately need.

-Norm

I agree with much that has been written here on this subject. But I'll throw in something else.

I think before you bring up the topic of religion, politics or diet and try to advocate your opinions, you should ask yourself this question:

How will I react, if the person I am trying to persuade responds by rejecting my views?

I remember several months ago when I tried to persuade someone to listen to a New Zealand radio interview with Dr. Esselstyn. This person refused to do so and said, "I can't stand Dr. Esselstyn." Then this person said, "Dr. Esselstyn is very unethical to market his book the way he is."

I think I responded in a reasonably calm manner. But I was really shocked that this person was so hostile to Dr. Esselstyn. I can't think of any way of describing Dr. Esselstyn that is more inaccurate than by describing him as unethical.

Also, I remember when a friend of mine told me of a political discussion he had with his sister. His sister called a politician an idiot, knowing full well that his brother had voted for that politician. This friend of mine seemed to think that his sister was implicitly calling him and idiot, since he had allegedly voted for an idiot.

This is when the fireworks really start blasting. The issue is no longer religion, politics or diet. The issue is "am I an idiot for believing this stuff?" And also, "Is this person calling me an idiot by calling my religion bunk, my political beliefs immoral or reckless and my diet unhealthy or not backed by objective science?"

I don't religion or politics on the same level of what you eat (aka diet). I have no problem bringing up the word "diet" (not necessarily meaning you are fat, lose weight), but finding better eating habits to improve health. I have a few co-workers who I repeated hear say "I exercise but I don't lose weight." I give them the insight I have learned, but they don't want to listen or make excuses as to why they couldn't do it.

None of these people actually argue with me, but I continually hear "I can't" or "I won't." If that is the case, then you WON'T lose weight (possibly). I still believe many are living under a misconception when it comes to "light" this, "low fat" that or many of the recognized diet plans out there (aka Weight Watchers). All I try to do is educate those on what I have learned in order to make me healthier. Still many don't want to listen.

Well, one reason is: It's none of my business. Unless they ask for my input or my explanation of either how I lost weight or stay trim, or what I think of diet, or what I do, it's not my place to tell them.

Another reason is that one may not have time to explain in depth why no, a low-carb diet won't do what they want over the long-run even if they did lose 8 pounds in the first two weeks, or no, carbohydrates are not fattening. Quite often you can gauge whether someone thinks they know it all (when in actuality, I know it all ) and that it would be a waste of time to try to engage them on it.

And then there's the fact that I just don't want to bother when the sick/obese/overweight/debilitated person's depth of interest is exhausted when they react to what I do dietarily by responding "I just can't give up meat."

I was thinking when people start sharing their business with us like their illnesses, disease and weight issues and we have the opportunity to share.

I think to a limited extent, we do have opportunities to share.

If someone asks a series of questions about my diet and why I eat the way I do, I might point them towards some web sites like this one. But beyond that, I want the person who is asking the questions to do their own research, reach their own conclusions and make their own decisions with respect to how to eat.

I will not tell someone that they should give up foods they enjoy. I will not them them that "it's worth it" or even that "it works." All I will say is that I made this change because both my parents have high cholesterol and high blood pressure.

I have a weekly breakfast with some ladies I have known for several years. They have seen me at my fattest and now see me 40+ pounds lighter. They know I am a vegan and don't eat added fat. A couple of them have read Prevent and Reverse Heart Disease. Every week I hear one of them say "My! you're so much thinner...or...every time I see you you are skinnier...or ..if you lose more weight you'll just disappear!!. Sometimes I hear "Gee, you are looking great these days!" That comes right before the order of cheese omelets, bacon, hot chocolate, pancakes.....And then I hear about blood sugar issues, being too fat, aches and pains...But I just keep eating my plain boiled potatoes (with hot sauce!) and don't say anything.
I think if diet is brought up it triggers all the issues people have around food...and believe me, there are plenty. It brings up their "failures" in being able to be in control of their health and weight, their "lack of discipline", their scarcity issues, and on and on.
If I am ever asked about my diet, I am more than happy to respond. Otherwise I just as soon stay out of the way of other people's projections!!

In some ways my regime parallels the way I felt about stopping smoking. In fact the more I think about it the more similarities I see. I still don't ever feel that I have absolute control over not smoking. I know I will never voluntarily *(see below) put a cigarette between my lips now but I can't know that I will always feel that way. Something may happen to make me change my mind. I don't want to sound off about how great it is that I gave it up ... it's not me ... and anyway I am aware what a wally I would look if I started again having made such a big issue about it. So I suppose basically I don't want to show off in case I look a fool at a later date.

*The exception to this is that I certainly would go out and buy a pack of fags if I was terminally ill. I probably wouldn't be able to smoke them, they'd make me sick but I absolutely adored Gaulloises, at the time much more than any food I can think of. Even thinking about them makes me feel a bit queasy right now actually which I suppose is a good thing.

For me there are some parallels in my attitude to McD'ing I suppose in the way that I can't know that I will always stick to it. I hope I will and I intend to now (despite my lapses) but I cannot know what I will want to do in the future.

I could never initiate a discussion about food but I was sooooo pleased when a sweet and very overweight colleague just said to me one day that she wanted to be like me. For 18 months my colleagues have seen me soaking the bulgur and chopping my mountains of salad and beans. I keep a bottle of cider vinegar and my bags of bulgur in the communal food cupboard in the kitchen at work. A couple of times they have teased me about it. One once said "is that for all of us?" and I laughed and said "absolutely not, no one else is having any of this!". I work in a place where people are quite reserved with their opinions, in fact I'm one of the more outspoken ones but I know darn well that they are all watching me in our communal kitchen at lunchtimes.

I've become much happier at work since starting the regime too. Work is now an even more positive part of my life because everything about it is positive. I have the opportunity to run up and down the stairs, have a wonderful healthy lunch and incorporate my extra walking and cycling into getting there and back - what's not to like.

[I have problems in my life, relating to relationships, housing probs at the moment, a sick cat and an increasingly frail Dad so my life is far from perfect.]

Dad teased me too at first but now he doesn't.

I think the best way is to lead by example. It also means you don't have to argue about it which would really disturb me. I foresee problems the next time I stay with my brother but I'll deal with that one when I come to it.

That's my two penn'orth

Have a good Sunday

Katherine

At that point, I might say, "It is quite possible that diet can have a big impact on that." And leave it alone unless they ask... I completely agree, it is none of my business. They have no way of knowing that I might know something though, hence the "hint" if it seems appropriate. But I also check my spider sense which is pretty sensitive and don't even say that much a lot of the time. Just because someone is complaining about how they feel, does not mean they are asking for my advice on how to "fix it". Those complaints and in return the sympathetic over involvement many give back, are often the coin of human interaction in our culture. And I really don't enjoy that game. But truly, most people just do not want to hear about it. They feel it is none of my/your business.

One good question to ask yourself first before mentioning it at all is, "Why do I want to share this?" Of course the first answer likely to pop up is, "I want to help." But dig deeper. Why do you want to help? Is it genuine, compassion, or is it at least in part, a desire to justify what you yourself are doing by getting others to agree with you? I think the latter is all too often in there somewhere and that is often, at least in part, where the strong negative responses come from. If there is only a clean, clear desire to be of service, then I think it often is the case that you will see that bringing diet change into the conversation is not really appropriate.

I know of 2 or 3 people who have happily changed their diet because I told them about this way of eating and pointed them to this website and a good book.

I believe I have influenced many others, mostly by giving, loaning, or recommending books or this website, along with simply telling them the health benefits of this way of eating.

If they haven't changed their diet completely at least they have the idea in their head that there may be another answer to their problems, and in their own time, may visit this website or read a book I recommended.

I really see it as passing on not-much-known information to people who need it. Frankly I'm getting tired of doctors who are not doing their jobs.

I feel this is very valuable information that is not well known and other people deserve a chance for better health.

I agree that in general, it is none of my business, even when someone is ill and shares that with me. As others have said, you have to have the wisdom to know your audience, to determine if they would be receptive to advice. Because that's what it is, advice. It may seem from your end as if it is just sharing information, but it's way more than that.

Eating is probably the most primal emotional thing we do. When someone complains to you of their ill heath or whatever, and you respond by saying something that can be construed as a negative judgement about their food choices, what they will hear is that they have done something wrong--that their very way of life is flawed, and it is their fault that they are sick.

I can't tell you how angry I was the first time I heard a health insurance person say that a big percentage of health problems in the US are self-induced. That was 6 or 7 years ago, and I still feel the heat of anger welling up in me! I, of course, was thinking about broken arms, influenza, and so on, but he was talking about diabetes, heart disease, colitis, and so on, which truly use up our health insurance dollars!

But the anger that I felt at hearing the American public being accused by an insurance person of self-inflicting their diseases is what might happen when you try to share this way of eating with someone who has those problems. You may come off as essentially telling them that it's their fault. No one likes to hear that.

So I share very gently and reluctantly. do go out on a limb and lambast dairy products when I have a chance, kind of in general, because the case against milk is so clear, but even that can backfire. I don't share at large gatherings, in front of the bar-b-que, when the host says, "I need to lose like you! How do you do it?" I do it one-on-one, and only if someone has asked me specifically about my way of eating. I

I go a lot further. If it's an issue I'm dealing with myself I'll say "I'm working on that very issue myself and let me tell you what I've been doing that helps...." If it's an issue I'm not dealing with personally but I know my diet will help I'll say something like "You know, there are doctors who use a very similar diet to what I'm on that have really helped people with that..."

....and run from there. You can usually tell by their facial reactions how receptive they're going to be, and you adjust what you're going to say accordingly.

One huge secret... as they say in show business.. Always leave them wanting more... Don't talk on endlessly until even Dr. McDougall himself would get bored and walk off... Give them some information but just enough to think on it, leave them thinking about it and wanting to ask more. If you can tell they're not going to be receptive at all then make it very short, plant some quick seeds, then change the subject so they don't have to. This makes it very easy for them to come talk to you about it another time. And they will. Not everyone, but enough to make it worth your efforts. But not if they know you're going to barrage them with more than they want or can handle.
This is true in all areas of life, by the way.

-Norm

Well I have brought it up and all I got was criticism and arguments. So, like Dr. McDougall suggests in his books, I now try to show by example rather than preaching about it. I've made it pretty clear how I intend to eat and my family has finally accepted that, but they are not interested in reading about a plant based diet much less eating that way and I can't force them to change even though they need to.